Apprehension

Don’t pretend to care
Don’t apologize
My heart is not a fickle thing
One day this, the other day that
If you beg for a chance, I may just grant it
Though know I, the torture I inflict
My very soul weighed down with the prospect
You see it’s dangerous
Opening myself up like that
But the weakling I am
All it takes is a few seemingly sincere words
And over time my feelings bloom and grow
Bit by bit
Slowly but surely
No amount of reigns
No amount of mirror talks
Naive all the way
I keep myself braced
For the pain of betrayal to engulf me all over again
It’s my fault really
I set the stage
Throw the oil
Ignite the flame, and pass it to you
If you mean to leave, leave
I don’t need this to and fro
If you mean to play, leave
I can’t handle games
Please be kind to me
I don’t know how much more I can handle
Before all hope is exiled
And I too silently die
Like all my age seem to inevitably do

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5 responses

  1. Well….i might have a few pieces of advice for you….lemme know if you ever feel like talking!!!

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  2. This post is absolutely Gold. It hits home because I’ve been through something similar.
    Overall, this was largely relatable . Brilliant

    Like

  3. I’m sorry you had to go through that betrayal. Although it is expected sometimes, it still doesn’t stop the heart-wrenching pain that it brings about. The endless days of “what did I do wrong”. The answer there is simple – nothing. Just because the person you were seeing was a complete bulldog’s butthole, doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It was them who betrayed you. Because they wanted to and for no other reason. Aamna, you will find the person who is good for you. You will find the one who treats you like a saint, and you will find the one who is loyal and doesn’t see a selfish need to go off and see someone else.

    Remember YOU are good enough for you. Anyone else is a bonus. Rest easy with the fact that whoever they betrayed you with, if they know the person was seeing you, then they will forever be distrustful and wonder if they are cheating with someone else.

    Your perfect person is coming. You just aren’t ready to meet them yet. You may find love and lose it again before that person comes along for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Al, you’re the sweetest ❤ Thank you for always cheering me up and being there. I don't deserve to have someone as great as you.
      Stay happy and blessed. I pray your life is trouble free for as long as possible and if you're going through anything right now that it resolves itself in the best way. That you are surrounded by the same energy you give me.
      Thank you Alastair. You always make me smile and feel better. I cannot thank you enough.

      Like

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