Category Archives: Humour

Walking, overthought

We all walk differently. The walking part is the same but we customize it with our own style. That style can be good or bad. Not that I mind whether a person walks with a slight shuffle or an uneasy awkwardness. I do that, it’s comfortable.

What inspired this post?
I was walking to class today and the guy in front me was walking so well! I know that sounds weird but man you should have seen him! It was so effortless, no hint of self consciousness at all! I can’t even call it walking, it was a proper strut. I found it hilarious. I mean I walk all slouched like, constantly reminding myself to stand up straighter and here he was practically gliding. I mean I thought grace was only in books. A fictional verb that couldn’t be applied to the real world. The sheer contrast of our gaits was comical. I was amused the whole lesson through. Still gives me a good laugh just remembering it.

We all walk differently and it depends upon what’s going through your head. My favourite is the one where you’re lost in thought and don’t consciously put one foot in front of the other…….doesn’t happen often. There’s the walk of shame, the walk of awkwardness, the walk of no-I’m-not-a-loner-I’m-independent etc. So this guy’s walk is classified as; I’m-proud-of-myself-I’m-awesome. Maybe I could walk like that someday if I didn’t think too much. Oh what a curse it is to overthink. It makes everything go wrong.

Ever noticed how people walk? It’s amusing. Just watch and judge and comment (in your head)……. keep yourselves amused…..no I mean, IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!
As a self proclaimed scientist, I observe, take readings and draw hypotheses. Totally justified.

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Musings Part 6

So today I went to a diabetes conference in a nearby hotel. It was ok, though the speakers were terrible. They literally just made a slideshow presentation and read off of it. All I could think of, and it was seriously hard to stop myself from going on stage and teaching them how to talk to an audience, was that I could read off those slides and do it better. They were getting shields for absolutely nothing. I could copy paste bullet points about diabetes from the internet and drone better than them. It was aggravating. Between speeches the host had to keep coming on stage to remind us how wonderful the previous speaker was and how his monotonous, long presentation was so brief, kudos to him and could everyone please give him a round of applause. That host needed a good talking to.

Anyway back to the topic, so I was coming back from the tea that had just been served after the first two sessions. Walking through the hall, I noticed a guy, a big guy, turn around and look at me. The way he looked, it seemed like he recognized me from somewhere though I was absolutely clueless about him. He turned back around and walked on and I disregarded it. But the weird thing was that when I sat down I thought I could feel him looking at me.

Haha, the things that went through my head. I’m not joking when I say I still think my theories are possible…… my first thought was he’s an assassin sent to kill me. I know a few people who aren’t very happy with me right now, and they have ways. o.o
Then I thought no, maybe he’s from the future and he’s here to thank me for something I did, he could be here to protect from a potential threat too, arrogant I know, but my thoughts aren’t that censored. That one is the most likely of the theories, my dreams are so coming true; yay. Anyway another one was that I was imagining it and it was all in my head. That’s stupid though, people have senses for a reason, plus pssshhhh being self conscious doesn’t make you imagine things, that’s far fetched. It’s not even a theory, just a passing thought. Moving on……my last theory was that the guy was a gangster from the future sent to kill me because……well I don’t know why. I mean I’m pretty damn great.

All in all, I didn’t really think I’d make it home today. I was going to be abducted and tortured to death. What a thrilling end.

But I’m still here, in front of my laptop. Boring much?…..yep.

P.S…….this is a very lame post…..I don’t know why I’m publishing it…..

Thoughts suffocate thy

I always do this shit. I pin expectations on people, get self conscious around them, and all for nothing. This has got to end. I’m too old for this shit. Focus. Focus.

I need to stop these fantasies here and now. They’re so utterly pointless. They just make you feel like an idiot. But what can I do if I have an overactive imagination. Imagination and thoughts are so beautiful, but they’re distracting. What to do, what to do. Maybe if I didn’t let people get to me. Easier said than done. You know, I’m most comfortable around strangers. The more I get to know people, the quieter I become. MAJOR problem. What am I doing? Shit I’m talking to myself again. Dammit.

I walk into the university campus and wander around the corridors, openly staring down all the people who have the misfortune to pass by me on this fine cloudy day. I was Arya Chaching, I was an author, I had a blog, I could do what I wanted without having to worry about what people thought about me. Besides I only stare for sociological reasons…… and well because I’m a writer, I need to observe. I can’t help laughing at the thought. Bahaane.

I’m late for class again. I don’t care. I will take my own sweet time because not only have I got no one to impress, but the weather’s so beautiful. I’d rather be out here than in a stuffy room which has barely enough oxygen for a dozen people let alone the hundred or so that squeeze in. I trudge towards class, it’s going to be ok, everything’s going to be fine. To my right a hawk swoops down and grabs a twig from the lawn. I stop and stare, awed. It’s so huge, it’s so cool. It glides away with it’s spoils and I watch it shrinking in the distance.

Refreshed I continue my journey and sing to myself. Today is a good day.

I walk in class, everyone turns around and stares. Cheeks aflame I sit down on the nearest seat I can find. Shit. Back to notch one.

Trim that fat

Her stomach growled and the hunger pangs were getting more and more painful. She groaned knowing she would have to get up to eat something but there was nothing in the kitchen that appealed to her. She wanted to eat, so badly. Putting the laptop on her bedside table she got to her feet wearily.

Stupid stomach, she thought to herself. It doesn’t even need the food. It has so much stored glycogen and fats and proteins. If only my hormones could be consciously controlled she thought, amused. Imagine it, to just point at an especially blubbery mass of your body and order your body to use the energy stored there. Glycogen, cortisol and corticosteroid all released at your minds consent. xD Forget dieting, everyone could be as slim as they wanted. And if someone was planning to go to say the desert, instead of packing they could just put on weight, literally.  ‘Trim that fat’ she said to herself, chuckling. The house was quiet and her laughter faintly echoed back. She shuddered and opened the fridge.

……………Meanwhile in a parallel universe……………

Zaid sat up in bed groggily. Rubbing his eyes and glancing at the clock he realized he was late for school. Pulling off the blanket,  he scrambled under his bed, groping around for his shoes. Finally finding them and putting them on, he grabbed his backpack. He got up to head out for school, but as an afterthought looked down, pointing at his stomach, ‘Trim that fat’ he muttered and a few grams of fat disappeared. He was getting low on reserves, he noted as he tried to recall the last time he ate. Shrugging, he decided to eat something after school………

Because it’s my life

Blood red liquid stains my lips
Cheap colour staining everything touched
It’s bad for you they said
Don’t drink it they said
I eye it grimly, an amused smirk
Not like anyone gives a shit
Self pity, self loathing
And I take another swig

For laughs

We all know that one person who never fails to amuse us. Whether they’re sarcastic and witty or just simply droll these people have everyone laughing, often at their own expense. It’s actually mighty admirable, I mean people don’t normally like laughing at themselves, they have pride. But why? People who are proud are so big headed, they can’t bear being the heart of a joke and to me, that’s plain cowardice. I mean, let go of all the arrogance and just laugh a little.

Often I find myself typing something incredibly stupid while texting someone, I half want to delete and it and write something else but quite often I don’t. I find myself laughing at the thought of my friend getting that message and her expression. I end up sending it and hoping she laughs or at the very least, smiles. I feel bad for everyone in my contacts list. xD They have to put up with a lot. 😛 In my defense I do it just in case. You never know when someone might need a good laugh and so I often say and do the dumbest things imaginable. Haha, people probably think I’m an utter idiot. Eh, they’re probably right. 156308_4823197632876_1692628258_n

I’m going to miss my bio teacher, Sir Riaz. He’s the one who actually inspired this article.  From making weird amusing acronyms to help us learn, to joking around with random people just to elicit some laughter. Everyone looks forward to his lecture because he’s beyond hilarious. He’s so sweet, he’s the only teacher I’ve had since I joined KIPS that I’ve liked from beginning to end, because no matter how stupid your question is, he always answers it and explains until you understand. Unlike the physics teacher who just mocks any question raised.

There was a day when Sir was in a bad mood, he didn’t really yell at anyone or anything, he just didn’t crack any jokes. That was a very long day. We don’t get any breaks between lessons but his period always made up for that. I felt bad that day thinking someone said something to him because some people claim his jokes are vile when they’re not. People just need a reason to dislike you. Thankfully that bad spell only lasted a day and he was back to his former self the next day. What I learnt from that was, no matter how much people complain about you, there might be people out there who enjoys your weirdness. Think about that if you ever get tired of other peoples jibes.

Photography: Kids can do it too

I couldn’t help but take a picture of this adorable kid. She was so cute I had to share her. 😀
IMG_3762

Straight Face

Lets see how it goes. I’ve signed up to represent my school in a humorous declamation. Meaning I’m screwed. I can’t tell a joke for the my life. Well at least I can’t tell one effectively. I crack up before the punch line and in between fits of laughter I try to explain what’s so funny. The poor soul who was at the wrong place at the wrong time just smiles apologetically and walks away leaving me, still trying to get a grip.

Just now I was about to tell my friend Iqra something, but I started laughing even before the words came out. She was like confused, but she’s kinda used to it. Problem is, the judges won’t be. Even debating on a serious topic I’m smiling. Though I’m not really conscious of it at the time, my friends tell me later. When I try to be mean, I say sorry reflexively. Plus I turn red when I’m embarrassed.

Imagine it, walking on stage, standing before a whole bunch of strangers, joking around and no one laughing. Why? Cause I’m laughing enough for the whole crowd. They can just watch me while I turn red and become all awkward. I’ll probably start stuttering and stammering too about then….I’l start talking fast and the speech will be over. Everyone will breathe a sigh of relief and clap me off the stage cause they’re glad its finally over. I’ll be glad too, and I won’t be able to look anyone in the eye ever again.

I might not even go if they can find someone better. Trust me it won’t be hard to out shine me. But if I do go I seriously need to learn how to keep a straight face. O.O

Lost

They ask where I’ve been

Occupied I say

‘Too busy to even talk?’ They ask

‘Too frazzled to even think.’ I reply

‘Well you better be with us tommorow’ They demand

‘What’s tommorow?’ I question, perplexed.

They’re silent

I look at the date….

I forgot my own birthday

o.O

The Joy of uncovering the unknown

A glimpse of my work

Ok so I’m no programmer but my future goals demand that I know how to make a decent website myself. So with that in mind as well as the thought that it couldn’t really be that much harder than making a blog, I signed up to make our school’s literary societies web page. I was doing great according to me and it felt so good to be good at it. You know the feeling, when you’ve never done something before but you find out that you have an unexpected knack for it? Well that was the feeling.

It was ten times better when I found a way to connect to Google maps xD I felt like proper Einstein!

Moving on so here I was in my little bubble of happiness and then a dude with a really sharp needle comes and pops it by asking me if I know what html is. Lol I had no clue and it turns out I knew very little, but with the help of a friend we both learned most of the kinks in a day and improved the site greatly. My bubble was back! ^_^ And this time it’s here for keeps, hopefully that is.

We faced a problem with the background and the other Media Heads were toying around with the template so that we could customize the background as per our demand. After supplying the picture I went to check what they had done to site and in their doodles I noticed how they were planning on going about their business. But instead of them I did it and can you believe they never even noticed! It was actually pretty amusing. I mean come on stuff doesn’t fix itself. If neither of you guys did it obviously it was the other Head. Haha xD Anyway so that’s the story of my road to learning how to design websites.

Inside joke

 

 

 

Thrill and Suspense

Yes I’m talking about matches between Pakistan and India. Cricket matches between these two countries aren’t actually cricket matches for us, citizens, rather they are a war. A friendly war if such a thing exists and a war in which our heart and soul both watch each and every ball with desperation in our hearts and prayers on our lips. I’ve heard accounts of people having heart attacks while watching the said matches…….I used find that weird but now I can empathize. I could have one too if I was older and fatter…

So moving on, today was a T20 match of these two rivals and a match we’d all been waiting for. Pakistan was on a winning streak had won its last 26 matches consecutively though we all knew that didn’t mean this match couldn’t go wrong. Our countries team had a knack of getting over confident and careless, I’m honestly surprised they have a winning streak greater than 5. Anyhow the first two overs were awesome! Pakistan made 25-1 and it was looking great! Even the one out didn’t matter and the cheering Indians were like siblings. It’s a weird kinship. After that though it went downhill and my heart was in my mouth. The Indians didn’t look so nice anymore and I was (I’m ashamed to admit) yelling at our batsmen to get a grip and do something worthwhile……..I’d like to think my words were what got them moving but it could just as easily have been my uncle praying and yelling beside me. Pakistan started batting like they meant it. That attitude however lasted around 3 overs before Shoaib Malik got out and we continued our spiral streak downhill. We made a rubbish score of 129 for ALL OUT -.- Talk about bistee (dissing)…..It was our worst score in the history of ICC and I thought to myself “What the heck? They had to make the lamest score ever in a match against India?!” But I guess they tried their best.

India’s performance was so good it was depressing. 😛 Every four (and there were a lot) had me and my family groaning and muttering in frustration. On every ball we’d all literally be chanting ‘Out, out, out,out……’ It only worked twice.

Don’t get me wrong I like Indians, they’re our fellow Asians, our brothers (cause we were once one country) and our neighbours but thrashing them in cricket is essential. Most people don’t even watch cricket unless its  a match between Pakistan and India. Last year when it was Pakistan vs India in the semi finals my family and I bought Pakistani team uniforms with our names on as well as matching caps. I was literally tearing up when we lost. I know it sounds waaaayyyy to emotional and dramatic but its like United States against Russia and North Korea vs South Korea. It’s healthy competition and yeah we need sportsman spirit but that’s reserved for other countries 😛 haha joking joking. I admit India played good (or the match was rigged 😉 )

Can’t wait for the next match between India. Lol there was a particular moment in the match that had me laughing despite the tension of the situation. One of India’s fielders caught a ball that got a Pakistani out. When the guy caught the ball he turned around and said something to the crowd while wagging his finger. It was so hilarious xD Obviously the Pakistani fans were yelling at him to drop the ball. It’s a thing we both do. The Indian crowd yells at our fielders and we yell at their’s. Sounds extreme but kept within limits its just a playful teasing.Till the next time India! We’ll beat you yet!

24 hours? So not enough

This is the dilemma I face when the college season starts and I don’t think its gonna improve when I move on to university.  Well that’s IF I even get into a university. Keeping up with the school syllabus,doing homework, planning school events, researching on universities and studying for their entry tests……that’s the stuff I should do and need to do. Of course I’m not going to spend my day doing JUST that, I have a policy that I have to have breaks, for Facebook, movies, music etc. So all in all this long to-do list just can’t be completed within 24 hours. Unless maybe I give up on my sleep, and nope that’s not an option because I love sleeping.

So here are the situations in which a day could be longer….. or could get everything that needs to be done done.

When the earth was formed and decided to start spinning, it could have shown people like me some consideration and spun more slowly, another hour or two would have been welcome with open arms……….The earth could have gotten pulled by the suns gravity a little further away than it is now so there could be more days in a year and hence they teach less per day and give more time for people to do stuff like 200 hours of community service…….But nooooo did the earth or the sun do this? I don’t think the sun would have even noticed if the earth shuffled away a little, but the earth is too ‘attracted’ to the great ball of fire…. When we all get over heated by global warming, the earth will realize the importance of this rant. But no amount of cryings gonna bring us back….no sirree.

OK if the earths going to be stubborn I could hope for a HUGE comet or asteroid to hit the earth and shove it away since its not going to move with nice requests. Of course the asteroid in question would tell us its coming to save the day so we can make preparations to not die when it hits. =P Lol I know this is all pretty far fetched and what not but it sure is fun to imagine and describe xD

Hmmm the earths not the only one that could move this way or that….. the school could change its timings so that they’re more adequate. Like starting at 10 or 11 so the students can get a good nights sleep, end at around 2 or 3. Not that that’ll help much because students are going to be students,no matter how late or early school starts they are going to have problems. I admit that, and yeah I could let go of some of my leisure time but that’s not going to help my situation because I’ve read that without taking breaks your not as productive as you could be 😛 So that’s my excuse. Pretty valid if you ask me.

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