Category Archives: Musings

Musings Part 6

I need my swag back. Don’t judge the word. It fits right now.

My college is making me so much more self conscious than I already was. It gets harder and harder every day. I need my friends! I need love! This could also be no ones fault but my own head evolving for the worse. All my insecurities growing on their own, but that’s far fetched. Something has to be feeding it right? What to do, what to do.

It actually hit me strongly right now. Seeing my sister and a few other kids I know, posting things so carefree like. You know when I post a Facebook status or an instagram picture I feel so sick afterwards for like a day or more. Wondering how people are judging me as self obsessed or proud. The reason I do it is because I’m like it’s my wall, I want to. I swallow the negativity as much as I can but I can’t deny it’s not there. I just figure I should take it, I can’t post nothing because I regret that months later when my forgetful brain wants to see the past.

This blog is getting way personal. I’m disowning it 😛 whoever knows, knows but no one else. In time the ones who know shall forget. Yes I do get that I could stop writing. I should. I really should. But…nope no reason. Maybe I want to show the world my dark side. What am I doing? ……….no idea. I’m so messed up. Or maybe I just want to be messed up. It’s the mainstream thing these days. It annoys me. Everyone being depressed and what not… we need to chill.

I’m adding negativity to the net. Dammit. Why do we judge so much. Why can’t we stop thinking about what people are thinking! This is so twisted.

I need to get my swag back. Just don’t care. That’s not not caring about people’s feelings. Just forget what they’re thinking. That’s their business. I know that already. We all do. Acting on it is hard.

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Musings Part 5

I am so annoyed right now. I am such a pushover. I used to think it’s because I joke around that people don’t take me seriously but now I think it’s also because I’m way too flexible. Is it my fault that I like to accommodate other peoples ideas and thoughts into a decision? Or that I’m not THAT stubborn.

People only take me seriously in the beginning when they think I’m someone who has an opinion. But over time I get sidelined because I don’t yell as much as other people? I don’t get it. That’s the problem. I mean if I understood the root cause of why people everywhere sideline me I would be able to fix it. But if I don’t know why I can’t do anything. On top of it all I can’t be objective. I’m obviously biased and so my theories are subjective. And to top it, no one will ever tell me why because they’ll start off by saying I don’t get sidelined, then blah blah I’m this blah blah I’m that. No straight answer. I’m frustrated.

Plus I used to think maybe it’s just people I used to know but even new people have started adopting this sideline-sleepy programme. If it’s because I’m too pliable, well I don’t know, I just don’t see the logic in continuing to stand by your stance when you realize you’re wrong or that someone else’s idea is better. It could be my readiness to accept I’m wrong and that other people’s ideas are better too. But then that comes under pride; to assume all I say is the best. See what I mean by confusing.

This shall be improved upon. Maybe if I didn’t care if people heard me they would hear me. People are twisted that way.

My posts

So I just want to clarify, I’m not smart. I’m not deep, I’m not perfect. When I talk about things on this blog of mine I’m trying to tell myself what to do, what not to do and how to look at things. I publish them because I just want to help someone if they’re confused and to discuss a difference of opinion if someone thinks what I said was wrong.

Musings Part 4

So I didn’t get into my dream university. I got the rejection letter yesterday. I’m not going to lie, I feel like shit. Sigh. The funny thing, well not funny for me right now, it’s actually real damn annoying right now, is that I actually tried. I usually don’t until the last day. I’ve slacked before countless tests but for this one I studied a lot.

So many people I know got in. I guess I just wasn’t good enough. Though in my head I keep thinking of excuses, futile efforts to try and make me feel better. Facts are facts though, no point in dwelling I guess. You can’t win at everything, failing is a part of life. It wasn’t meant to be. It’s probably for the best. All the cliche lines are going through my head but they aren’t helping. I need a new focus. A new dream to aim for and distract me. The only question is what?

The big what next?

I’m applying to other unis of course. But my interest is waning. Life is full of surprises though and that’s what I’m banking on. Let’s see where it takes me. I’ve had my share of setbacks, contrary to what most people I know think. Pfft ‘setback’. Lol you know that was the first word I saw on the letter I got. It took a while to sink in though. I never even realized how much I wanted to go till now. The past is the past though. I’m using ‘though’ a lot but what the hay. Anyway I’l just do some research and hopefully get enthusiastic again.

For laughs

We all know that one person who never fails to amuse us. Whether they’re sarcastic and witty or just simply droll these people have everyone laughing, often at their own expense. It’s actually mighty admirable, I mean people don’t normally like laughing at themselves, they have pride. But why? People who are proud are so big headed, they can’t bear being the heart of a joke and to me, that’s plain cowardice. I mean, let go of all the arrogance and just laugh a little.

Often I find myself typing something incredibly stupid while texting someone, I half want to delete and it and write something else but quite often I don’t. I find myself laughing at the thought of my friend getting that message and her expression. I end up sending it and hoping she laughs or at the very least, smiles. I feel bad for everyone in my contacts list. xD They have to put up with a lot. 😛 In my defense I do it just in case. You never know when someone might need a good laugh and so I often say and do the dumbest things imaginable. Haha, people probably think I’m an utter idiot. Eh, they’re probably right. 156308_4823197632876_1692628258_n

I’m going to miss my bio teacher, Sir Riaz. He’s the one who actually inspired this article.  From making weird amusing acronyms to help us learn, to joking around with random people just to elicit some laughter. Everyone looks forward to his lecture because he’s beyond hilarious. He’s so sweet, he’s the only teacher I’ve had since I joined KIPS that I’ve liked from beginning to end, because no matter how stupid your question is, he always answers it and explains until you understand. Unlike the physics teacher who just mocks any question raised.

There was a day when Sir was in a bad mood, he didn’t really yell at anyone or anything, he just didn’t crack any jokes. That was a very long day. We don’t get any breaks between lessons but his period always made up for that. I felt bad that day thinking someone said something to him because some people claim his jokes are vile when they’re not. People just need a reason to dislike you. Thankfully that bad spell only lasted a day and he was back to his former self the next day. What I learnt from that was, no matter how much people complain about you, there might be people out there who enjoys your weirdness. Think about that if you ever get tired of other peoples jibes.

Musings Part 3

Entry tests, entry tests, entry tests everywhere >.< There go my summer vacations down the drain. It’s such a drag, having to study rather than have fun with ones cousins and partying with ones friends. Funny thing is that I have an entry test tomorrow…..the one to my ideal university, and here I am, writing. Before you start pointing fingers let me just say, I need this. I’ve been itching to write for the past week but I’ve always managed to keep the drive at bay…… but now that I’m also staying away from Facebook, this is like my only outlet so let me be. 😛
Dammit, there are so many people competing in the tests and only one hundred or so get selected. Guess what my roll number is? 00003335. I can safely say there are 3334 people I’m up against and I can estimate that the actual number is in fact a lot bigger. *sigh* Well I’m drinking Sting(energy drink) so that should give me an edge 😉 haha, no wait don’t laugh….I need what little I can get ok. xD And this is only the first entry tests in a long list, line, queue of entry tests……just the thought makes me sleepy.
And if I get left behind? Oh crap that’s a depressing prospect. I should have had a back up plan. xD If I don’t get into medical it’ll be catastrophic, but no, I will never let that happen. I’l go beg for an acceptance if I have to……yes, I am that desperate. You know the creepiest part? I’ve heard that in the interviews the —(ideal uni) people hire psychiatrists to observe the candidates. So while we’re stuttering our way through the interviews we’re going to have to ignore the person in specs, scrutinizing our every minute movement, and taking notes with worried expressions. I swear if I see a frown from that psychiatrist I’m going to bolt, I mean it’s highly probable that they realized I’m actually a serial killer. o.o Or worse, that I’m not — material. Though what are they thinking? Psychoanalyzing us when we’re terrified out of our wits, we’re obviously gonna exhibit some sort of mental disorder. I might be bipolar to them, and the girl before me probably had OCD. Oii smart people, we’re tense, let us be.
Oh and I used ‘—‘ in case the — people find this offensive in any way. The uni isn’t actually called — its actually………………  Oh look, some almonds. 😉

Musings Part 2

The fact is, I enjoy being swamped in work, i.e I’m a workaholic. Is it a bad thing? If you ask me, nope, not at all. I’m bored sick when I don’t have something to do. Something that takes my time, energy and leaves me drained but feeling accomplished. It’s a drug. So much so that I often bite off more than I can chew, participating in almost everything. I mean you should make maximum use of your time right?
Like for example if you know you’re not going to study don’t put off a competition in the hopes that maybe you will if you don’t go. Odds are that if you do go and take part you’ll feel guilty about wasting the time and actually end up studying more than if you hadn’t gone. You’re more motivated too as well as more clear headed. I mean studying continuously days on end, in the same old pattern…..If you ask me I’d say that it’s a waste of your time. You won’t learn anything cause your brain is dulled and dead. By going out and exploring new avenues and experiences you keep your brain alive, active and happy. You’ll find that grasping new concepts or even revising old ones gets easier. You pick up things faster. It’s a scientific fact that constantly stimulating yourself boosts intelligence. Your mind is more adept.
Even if you have an exam the next day and you have a lot of syllabus left you should take breaks. Exerting yourself constantly is going to slow you down. Study for two to three hours continuously but after that you DESERVE a well earned break. Do what you want in it, preferrably something that doesn’t require much conscious effort. Whatever you do though never go to sleep, trust me you’ll never wake up in time. Well unless you have a human alarm clock i.e you threaten someone with murder if they don’t wake you up at the prescribed time. 😛 Breaks like these help your mind absorb what you just read and to store the information effectively. Without this everything gets cluttered in your head. After at least half an hour you can go right on ahead and continue studying. Jack Andraka, the person who discovered a cheap, effective diagnostic test for pancreatic cancer at age 15, also used this method. He used to research for hours and then go on a walk to contemplate what he had just read and sort through it.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t throw away your life for your exams. They aren’t as hard as you make them seem. We students tend to stress ourselves out over them too much. I really don’t get people who totally turn dead to the world a good three to four months before the exams. Yes, I know people have different speeds at which they pick things up, but I believe that overstudying is just as bad as understudying. Don’t waste your life.

Be wise!

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