I am so annoyed right now. I am such a pushover. I used to think it’s because I joke around that people don’t take me seriously but now I think it’s also because I’m way too flexible. Is it my fault that I like to accommodate other peoples ideas and thoughts into a decision? Or that I’m not THAT stubborn.
People only take me seriously in the beginning when they think I’m someone who has an opinion. But over time I get sidelined because I don’t yell as much as other people? I don’t get it. That’s the problem. I mean if I understood the root cause of why people everywhere sideline me I would be able to fix it. But if I don’t know why I can’t do anything. On top of it all I can’t be objective. I’m obviously biased and so my theories are subjective. And to top it, no one will ever tell me why because they’ll start off by saying I don’t get sidelined, then blah blah I’m this blah blah I’m that. No straight answer. I’m frustrated.
Plus I used to think maybe it’s just people I used to know but even new people have started adopting this sideline-sleepy programme. If it’s because I’m too pliable, well I don’t know, I just don’t see the logic in continuing to stand by your stance when you realize you’re wrong or that someone else’s idea is better. It could be my readiness to accept I’m wrong and that other people’s ideas are better too. But then that comes under pride; to assume all I say is the best. See what I mean by confusing.
This shall be improved upon. Maybe if I didn’t care if people heard me they would hear me. People are twisted that way.
So I just want to clarify, I’m not smart. I’m not deep, I’m not perfect. When I talk about things on this blog of mine I’m trying to tell myself what to do, what not to do and how to look at things. I publish them because I just want to help someone if they’re confused and to discuss a difference of opinion if someone thinks what I said was wrong.
So I didn’t get into my dream university. I got the rejection letter yesterday. I’m not going to lie, I feel like shit. Sigh. The funny thing, well not funny for me right now, it’s actually real damn annoying right now, is that I actually tried. I usually don’t until the last day. I’ve slacked before countless tests but for this one I studied a lot.
So many people I know got in. I guess I just wasn’t good enough. Though in my head I keep thinking of excuses, futile efforts to try and make me feel better. Facts are facts though, no point in dwelling I guess. You can’t win at everything, failing is a part of life. It wasn’t meant to be. It’s probably for the best. All the cliche lines are going through my head but they aren’t helping. I need a new focus. A new dream to aim for and distract me. The only question is what?
The big what next?
I’m applying to other unis of course. But my interest is waning. Life is full of surprises though and that’s what I’m banking on. Let’s see where it takes me. I’ve had my share of setbacks, contrary to what most people I know think. Pfft ‘setback’. Lol you know that was the first word I saw on the letter I got. It took a while to sink in though. I never even realized how much I wanted to go till now. The past is the past though. I’m using ‘though’ a lot but what the hay. Anyway I’l just do some research and hopefully get enthusiastic again.
We all know that one person who never fails to amuse us. Whether they’re sarcastic and witty or just simply droll these people have everyone laughing, often at their own expense. It’s actually mighty admirable, I mean people don’t normally like laughing at themselves, they have pride. But why? People who are proud are so big headed, they can’t bear being the heart of a joke and to me, that’s plain cowardice. I mean, let go of all the arrogance and just laugh a little.
Often I find myself typing something incredibly stupid while texting someone, I half want to delete and it and write something else but quite often I don’t. I find myself laughing at the thought of my friend getting that message and her expression. I end up sending it and hoping she laughs or at the very least, smiles. I feel bad for everyone in my contacts list. xD They have to put up with a lot. 😛 In my defense I do it just in case. You never know when someone might need a good laugh and so I often say and do the dumbest things imaginable. Haha, people probably think I’m an utter idiot. Eh, they’re probably right.
I’m going to miss my bio teacher, Sir Riaz. He’s the one who actually inspired this article. From making weird amusing acronyms to help us learn, to joking around with random people just to elicit some laughter. Everyone looks forward to his lecture because he’s beyond hilarious. He’s so sweet, he’s the only teacher I’ve had since I joined KIPS that I’ve liked from beginning to end, because no matter how stupid your question is, he always answers it and explains until you understand. Unlike the physics teacher who just mocks any question raised.
There was a day when Sir was in a bad mood, he didn’t really yell at anyone or anything, he just didn’t crack any jokes. That was a very long day. We don’t get any breaks between lessons but his period always made up for that. I felt bad that day thinking someone said something to him because some people claim his jokes are vile when they’re not. People just need a reason to dislike you. Thankfully that bad spell only lasted a day and he was back to his former self the next day. What I learnt from that was, no matter how much people complain about you, there might be people out there who enjoys your weirdness. Think about that if you ever get tired of other peoples jibes.
Entry tests, entry tests, entry tests everywhere >.< There go my summer vacations down the drain. It’s such a drag, having to study rather than have fun with ones cousins and partying with ones friends. Funny thing is that I have an entry test tomorrow…..the one to my ideal university, and here I am, writing. Before you start pointing fingers let me just say, I need this. I’ve been itching to write for the past week but I’ve always managed to keep the drive at bay…… but now that I’m also staying away from Facebook, this is like my only outlet so let me be. 😛
Dammit, there are so many people competing in the tests and only one hundred or so get selected. Guess what my roll number is? 00003335. I can safely say there are 3334 people I’m up against and I can estimate that the actual number is in fact a lot bigger. *sigh* Well I’m drinking Sting(energy drink) so that should give me an edge 😉 haha, no wait don’t laugh….I need what little I can get ok. xD And this is only the first entry tests in a long list, line, queue of entry tests……just the thought makes me sleepy.
And if I get left behind? Oh crap that’s a depressing prospect. I should have had a back up plan. xD If I don’t get into medical it’ll be catastrophic, but no, I will never let that happen. I’l go beg for an acceptance if I have to……yes, I am that desperate. You know the creepiest part? I’ve heard that in the interviews the —(ideal uni) people hire psychiatrists to observe the candidates. So while we’re stuttering our way through the interviews we’re going to have to ignore the person in specs, scrutinizing our every minute movement, and taking notes with worried expressions. I swear if I see a frown from that psychiatrist I’m going to bolt, I mean it’s highly probable that they realized I’m actually a serial killer. o.o Or worse, that I’m not — material. Though what are they thinking? Psychoanalyzing us when we’re terrified out of our wits, we’re obviously gonna exhibit some sort of mental disorder. I might be bipolar to them, and the girl before me probably had OCD. Oii smart people, we’re tense, let us be.
Oh and I used ‘—‘ in case the — people find this offensive in any way. The uni isn’t actually called — its actually……………… Oh look, some almonds. 😉