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Politics Politics Politics

I am so sick and tired of the things going on in college. I wonder if it’s unrealistic of me to want to avoid politics so much and to get frustrated and try to overcome them through dialogue but I can’t help it.

Perhaps it’s not politics but rather closed door politics and manipulation. *sigh* The way people go around lobbying and spreading disunity. I’m pretty sure you can lobby and get support and fight on your credentials the right way but this…. writing applications dripping with allegations and finding shady ways to snag votes, why? whyy?

Yes you can fight, but fight on merit, be fair. Understand that the point isn’t to get the post but to be the best person who can carry out the duties and responsibilities of that post. It’s not just a title, it’s a job.And regardless of whether or not you’re capable for the job or not, how you get it is still important. You shouldn’t just sweet talk teachers into cancelling elections and choosing you because you think you’re the most fit for the task. You shouldn’t secretly shift the voting pool so that you get an edge over your opponents. You shouldn’t use your father or friends connection with the higher ups to ensure you get chosen. Play fair and clean or don’t play because at the end of the day the society you fought to get the post in will suffer. People will resent you, they’ll be demotivated from working because clearly merit doesn’t count for anything, connections do. Since they didn’t choose you, they may not want to work with you and since they know how you got the post, they won’t respect you. You’ve created a negative atmosphere were people don’t feel like working or even being a part. You got what you wanted, but at what cost and to what end? It’s selfish.

Rigging positions is an abuse of power. Understand that. Until or unless you haven’t given everyone the chance to apply, clearly outlining the empty slots and time frame, you haven’t been fair. It is wrong. You fail as a leader. You are essentially a dictator and you don’t deserve to be given positions in which you can monopolize and abuse your power.

A generic argument but put yourself in the other persons shoes. Imagine you just wanted the opportunity to try and apply for a post but no one told you when the to apply. That the interviews were hush hush and only some select few favourites were told about them. Or that you wanted to apply and thought you were more than qualified but because you didn’t have connections so you didn’t get it. It’s not a reason but understand.

Healthy competition is important, and not getting what you want isn’t the end of the world. People can get over losing, but not if they feel cheated.

Still, one thing to keep in mind is that regardless of the post, it’s the mission that matters. To get things done, not necessarily to have your name on the door. And if you do get the post, please understand how heavy a burden that is. You can’t use it to be a dictator and make sweeping statements of ‘I’m ____________ and I say this is how it’s going to be’. Your job is collaboration, conflict resolution, management and empowerment. Don’t take that lightly. Transparent, open communication is important. Sometimes you may even have to do things that the majority want but you disagree with and that’s okay. It’s a give and take. You’re not here to enforce your will. You’re here to make sure there is cohesiveness and everyone is working at their maximum potential. Yes, you do get to make judgement calls, but you are answerable to your team for them. Recognize when pride clouds your judgement and realize that it isn’t a good enough justification for your actions.

Dwelling

Fact is, the more you dwell the more insurmountable it seems.
I’ve been kind of obsessing again lately. All the things I wish were different, the whole ‘if only’ streak. It’s hard letting go of something you thought was the truth all those years. You wonder and you wonder of ways in which you could be wrong now just to justify your past delusion; but you have to accept it and work from that.

My coping mechanism for a terrible world is sleep. To just lay in bed, curl up with a layer of blanket hugging me and just drift off. So that’s been me the past couple of days. I caught myself mid process just now, realizing what I was doing and thought I’d write about it. Come up with a motivating solution. It could help.

Pity parties just come naturally to me. One thing gone wrong and I spiral into a vast ocean of all things to go wrong ever and how life sucks, and I do too kind of. Not everything is the end of the world. I should know that as well as all those unfortunate people out there who have the same tendency.

One great example is how I got a tad depressed over my siblings and cousins going out to a new eatery while I was out of town. It sounds like a small thing but my mind blew it wayy out of proportion and I was hugely down for a couple of hours. Turns out (I found out a few days later) that they never even went, they simply walked in, sat down and walked out. So I basically obsessed over nothing and ruined part of a pretty good day.

So what shall I do now? The problem at hand isn’t exactly small by any measure, objectively or especially subjectively. And what really has me pensive is wondering if I should be doing something. But I can’t think of anything. I’m at a stalemate and what I really want to do is leave it to destiny.

It sounds weak but I think sometimes it’s okay. When you can’t think of any plausible solution, when you’ve been deluded for years, and when you have indeed tried your best. Destiny is destiny, you work hard but at the end of the day whether you work or not, you get what you get. Try as hard as you can and leave the rest to God.

You can’t ever predict your life. Some things are up to fate. Try not to life pass you by while you obsess because that will happen, and it will happen without you even realizing it. Plus self pity gives you an excuse to go easy on yourself. ‘It’s okay if you didn’t give your porject 100%, shit was happening’ or ‘So what you weren’t there for your friend, you were going through your own hell’. *sigh* I’ve been guilty of both and a lot more the past year.

It’s easy to let yourself off. But time doesn’t come back. It’s not fair to you, or those around you. You’ll regret wasting so much energy on something you couldn’t have done anything about. All the mental tension and strain, how it influenced your life, will all have been for naught. Live your life and give things your 100%; no excuses. Leave to fate things you can not control. Breathe. It will be fine.

Breathe. Focus on the present.

Sunset at sea

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I painted this while copying a painting by another artist whose link I can’t find anymore >.<

Musings Part 6

So today I went to a diabetes conference in a nearby hotel. It was ok, though the speakers were terrible. They literally just made a slideshow presentation and read off of it. All I could think of, and it was seriously hard to stop myself from going on stage and teaching them how to talk to an audience, was that I could read off those slides and do it better. They were getting shields for absolutely nothing. I could copy paste bullet points about diabetes from the internet and drone better than them. It was aggravating. Between speeches the host had to keep coming on stage to remind us how wonderful the previous speaker was and how his monotonous, long presentation was so brief, kudos to him and could everyone please give him a round of applause. That host needed a good talking to.

Anyway back to the topic, so I was coming back from the tea that had just been served after the first two sessions. Walking through the hall, I noticed a guy, a big guy, turn around and look at me. The way he looked, it seemed like he recognized me from somewhere though I was absolutely clueless about him. He turned back around and walked on and I disregarded it. But the weird thing was that when I sat down I thought I could feel him looking at me.

Haha, the things that went through my head. I’m not joking when I say I still think my theories are possible…… my first thought was he’s an assassin sent to kill me. I know a few people who aren’t very happy with me right now, and they have ways. o.o
Then I thought no, maybe he’s from the future and he’s here to thank me for something I did, he could be here to protect from a potential threat too, arrogant I know, but my thoughts aren’t that censored. That one is the most likely of the theories, my dreams are so coming true; yay. Anyway another one was that I was imagining it and it was all in my head. That’s stupid though, people have senses for a reason, plus pssshhhh being self conscious doesn’t make you imagine things, that’s far fetched. It’s not even a theory, just a passing thought. Moving on……my last theory was that the guy was a gangster from the future sent to kill me because……well I don’t know why. I mean I’m pretty damn great.

All in all, I didn’t really think I’d make it home today. I was going to be abducted and tortured to death. What a thrilling end.

But I’m still here, in front of my laptop. Boring much?…..yep.

P.S…….this is a very lame post…..I don’t know why I’m publishing it…..

Social Expectations

I lack speaking skills. I don’t know what to do in informal situations. Sure in a debate I can survive but when it comes to complete randomness I’m at a loss for words(I’m not that great at debating either). The conversation seems utterly pointless to me and all I can think is, ‘so what?’ or ‘what’s the point of even talking about this?’ and what not. Then people think I’m quiet, so I talk. I say complete crap and it’s such a strain that when I’m free from the group I feel like I need a time out.

That’s where the beauty of friendship lies though. The fact that even complete crap feels relevant. That silence is comfortable. That just being with them is relaxing and you’re left wondering why you tried so hard with people you didn’t need. All you needed was them.

When I’m with people I usually force myself to say things, not all the time, just mostly. Why though? I shouldn’t talk just to make the awkwardness go away or because I feel that’s what is socially required. I should be comfortable in silence. Which I am not. Which I shall work on, spouting nonsense is pretty tiring. That’s why I respect quiet people a little, they don’t feel obligated to be in the conversation. They observe from the sidelines with cool indifference and only talk when the fancy strikes them. That is something I aspire to do. To speak when I want to.

Hypothetically, what if I never want to? Well logically even then it’s fine. Who is society to tell me when to talk?

Teachers matter

Teachers are people who we directly or indirectly look to for guidance. Even the most laid back student who hardly pays attention in class is affected by what a teacher says to them. But for some reason I don’t think teachers know this, or if they do and they still choose to act rudely, well they don’t deserve to be in the profession. Yes you’re allowed to get angry, yes you are human, but is it so hard to apologize? Or is it so hard to use a softer tone.

I went to talk to my biochemistry sir after class to ask a few questions because I love asking questions, even stupid ones. I don’t feel like I’ve learnt anything otherwise. But whatever, so I went and waited outside his office before he let me in. Then as soon as I walked in he started yelling at me for trying to bunk the next class. He didn’t even listen to the questions, he just told me to go to class and to not be so rude. It’s a new university and I don’t exactly have friends so I just felt so bad.

My friend told me about a teacher of hers who demeans her all the time too. It made her hate the subject. That’s how seriously a teacher can affect a kid’s future. They play with our lives with their moods and they don’t even know it. A teacher has the power to make a person, to break a person. And with great power comes great responsibility.

So many teachers get annoyed at questions. They just want you to sit there and nod, then they pretend to care and ask if anyone has questions when in fact they’re not really interested, save a few. First of all they should encourage questions, we have robots to learn stuff without reason, and second if you really don’t want us to as questions, don’t even dangle the option in front of us and then yell at us for our stupidity afterwards.

I hope a teacher reads this and actually realizes that students do care, though we pretend to laugh it off.

Musings Part 5

I am so annoyed right now. I am such a pushover. I used to think it’s because I joke around that people don’t take me seriously but now I think it’s also because I’m way too flexible. Is it my fault that I like to accommodate other peoples ideas and thoughts into a decision? Or that I’m not THAT stubborn.

People only take me seriously in the beginning when they think I’m someone who has an opinion. But over time I get sidelined because I don’t yell as much as other people? I don’t get it. That’s the problem. I mean if I understood the root cause of why people everywhere sideline me I would be able to fix it. But if I don’t know why I can’t do anything. On top of it all I can’t be objective. I’m obviously biased and so my theories are subjective. And to top it, no one will ever tell me why because they’ll start off by saying I don’t get sidelined, then blah blah I’m this blah blah I’m that. No straight answer. I’m frustrated.

Plus I used to think maybe it’s just people I used to know but even new people have started adopting this sideline-sleepy programme. If it’s because I’m too pliable, well I don’t know, I just don’t see the logic in continuing to stand by your stance when you realize you’re wrong or that someone else’s idea is better. It could be my readiness to accept I’m wrong and that other people’s ideas are better too. But then that comes under pride; to assume all I say is the best. See what I mean by confusing.

This shall be improved upon. Maybe if I didn’t care if people heard me they would hear me. People are twisted that way.

Because it’s my life

Blood red liquid stains my lips
Cheap colour staining everything touched
It’s bad for you they said
Don’t drink it they said
I eye it grimly, an amused smirk
Not like anyone gives a shit
Self pity, self loathing
And I take another swig

Dusty meets unnamed bird.

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Meet Dusty

My new pet kitten dusty is so adorable. 😀 She’s really weak at the moment but I’m trying to fatten her up a bit slowly. She pounces on everything that moves, except when she gets distracted by the birds chirping in the overhead trees. I thought I’d share her for you guys to enjoy since she always makes me happy.

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Musings Part 1

I am in such a story writing mood! I just wanna sit and type but there’s a whole load of stuff I need to do first! >.< The cricket match article for the magazines due and I just can’t get my head into it so its dragging. I still have to sign the kids certificates; I have 80 left. :O
On the plus side there’s no school tommorow, though thats not that great. I like hanging out with my friends. Plus staying at home all day is boring and depressing these days. The only advantage is sleeping….a big bonus, but it’s the only one.
Oooooh I just remembered, I’m in deep shit. I borrowed a book from a teacher and  I left it in the common room while I went to do some work in the computer lab. Now the thing is, I was told to guard the book with my life….I thought I was doing the job but when I came back to collect it, it was GONE!! You cannot imagine the fear that went through me. I was so scared. I looked everywhere! Then I asked some girls from my class and they said the said teacher was shocked to see his book lying around and that he’d taken it back! 😡 He probably thinks I’m an irresponsible idiot…….Ok, the situations a little better now. I JUST got a reply from him…..he says its alright…… But I still need to apologize personally and beg for the book again 😛
Now…..back to the article……

We are what people see us as

Charles Horton Cooley in his concept of the looking glass self describes how we,humans, tend to derive our essence, our personality from those around us. He explains this as, ‘There is no self without society, no “I” without a corresponding “they” to provide our self image.’ We look at how other people perceive us, and judge ourselves accordingly.
Now is that right? I mean people don’t know us fully, they only see what we show them. Then they judge us based on how we treat them, selfishly without any consideration to the bigger picture. But then again, technically how we react to people is who we are, even if we are faking it, is still ‘us’, under our conscious control.
It’s a twisting concept…..Cooley basically explains how we wouldn’t have personalities without society. That there’d be no self,we wouldn’t have proper emotions or coherant thoughts …………. Thats a big hole in the Tarzan story. 😛 Sorry that was random. I guess it is Disney so anything is possible. Disney’s awesome. 😀 …………Ok back to the topic.
So basically no matter how much we try to not let people affect us, they do. They’re the ones who tell us who we are, but what we choose to do with that image is up to us. If people view us as stupid, it’s up to us whether to let that be true and do nothing, or try to change that about ourself. That way we influence their views, and hence our views, so we have some control over it! Yes! Thats somewhat comforting……But technically our attitude to peoples views also depends upon how we saw people tackle similar situations. So the people also influence our reactions to their thoughts.
Confusing stuff…….very twisted. Everyone we know, knew or will know….. they all have an impact on us.

Stuck in my head

Hold your own
know your name
and go your own way. ~Details in the Fabric

Thoughts sink deep

The thought is numbing
Standing up and being made a fool
Not being able to speak
No coherant thoughts
With observing eyes
Letting people down
Knowing I can’t argue
That people are scary
Their judging ways
Get under my skin
Into my thoughts
Its a stone cold paralysis
Of the highest degree

 

Suffocating Expectations

Maybe it’s just me, or perhaps you might be able to relate.

Fact is, it’s easier to accomplish goals and tasks when no one else believes you can. Ok, fine…. Scratch no one, MOST people. It makes the goal even more worthwhile, and fulfilling it a true victory. You want to try and accomplish something no one else has, or something that they have but no one believes you can do too. It’s a challenge. Not something cliché. Surpassing even your own expectations is even better.
BUT everything comes crashing down on you when you do a little, and suddenly everyone thinks you can do anything. They start expecting stuff from you and the goal just loses its charm. It’s glamour. Yep that’s the cliff I’ve fallen down. Just cause of my achievements last year suddenly everyone in school thinks I can do anything. I have like four subjects in my A level right now that I’m studying seriously while two others I’m dabbling in. Both teachers want me to take their subject because they think I can get them the good grades they need. What they don’t understand is that last year, that might have been slightly possible, but this year I have enough on my plate what with being Head Girl and failing in my priority subjects like Math and Physics. I even tried explaining it, but they just shook their heads and said they knew I could do it. I was both honoured and astounded. What really got me incredulous was my principal’s reaction when I said I wanted to take sociology, but only attend the lessons when I felt like it. She actually agreed! I was like dammnnn these people have so much faith.

Those were the issues in the beginning of the year, when everyone was still reveling in my 4 A’s in AS. (Which by the way I know I honestly got from luck and the kids prayers, I seriously told all the little kids to pray for my exams 😛 ) But I found out that some still think that. My sister’s friend’s heck even my brother and sister think I can do anything. It irritates me now. I feel like saying leave me alone people. I’m just like you guys….I just like utilizing time in a different way. Ugh! Ah well. I can’t go around and slap the sense in everyone myself now can I? No matter how tempting 😛 I guess I’ll have to hope it dies down and they all get a life.

That was a major driving force though you know. Proving people wrong through accomplishments.  Now I’m stuck with just doing it cause I need to….boring.

Its not just competitions and stuff…. other things like personality. People instantly judge you as something. They can’t know the whole truth in two seconds, yet they still get all emotional and let down when you turn out to be different from what they thought. Well who asked you to expect so much in the first place?  Expectations

Dwelling on times past

Just UsWe were all meant to be
Five people so different
Yet so complete

There was an understanding
An agreement between hearts
That was so secure,full of trust

School was a hangout
Everyday an adventure
Where missing out on one day
Was pure torture

Talking, as easy as breathing
Laughing as effortless as blinking
Always knowing you weren’t being judged

A sense of freedom and confidence
A pack that was invincible
We didn’t need the world

Too good to last
Time caught up with us
Tearing us apart
Throwing reality in our faces

Looking back on it all
The times feel too good to be real
A dream way too surreal

 

 

 

Something I liked…

Freedom of expression without responsibility leads to chaos~SomethingIReadOnTv

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