Tag Archives: death

Why…just why?

I like to think I can understand a person’s situation. Put myself in their shoes and get a perspective. But time and time again I hit a blank wall. I cannot imagine how any living being can be cruel.Without reason.  Like don’t you see what you’re doing?! How do you not see yourself!

Today some neighbourhood kids brought over a small, skinny, ginger coloured kitten;not more than a month or two old. She was a timid but friendly little thing. Never complaining when we picked her up, one after the other, to pet and fawn over her. I got some milk to give her and she periodically drank some, wandered around and drank so more, all the while meowing ever so sweetly.

After a while one of the adult neighbourhood cat’s wandered into the garden, eyes locked on the kitten. She was ginger coloured as well so I assumed she may be the mother who’s come to take her kid. With the kitten playing a few steps beneath where I was sitting the cat lunged at her, encompassing the tiny creature and biting viciously.

I was shocked and horrified. I had expected her to pick the kitten up and take her home. I had never seen anything like this in all my experience with kittens. When I realized something wasn’t right I jumped up and scared the cat away with the help of my housemaid. We stood there stunned when she was gone, looking at each other in horror. I couldn’t grasp what had happened. But I didn’t fully panic till I saw the blood beginning to pool around the poor things feet. This was beyond anything I could ever imagine. I’d heard about these things, I watch ‘Discovery’ and ‘National Geographic’, I’m not a stranger to predator-prey relationships. I don’t not know that animals kill one another…..but I never imagined this.

I ran inside to get some cotton and gauze to stop the bleeding some but by the time I got back she was lying in a pool of blood…..close to lifeless. I knew I couldn’t help her. I could barely look at her. I felt weak and helpless, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch her die. I stood outside, and calculated the chances of me saving her.

She had lost too much blood….. There was no one home to take me with her to the vet….I didn’t even know of any vets or veterinary facilities…. I couldn’t see me doing anything. I wished I had some morphine to inject her with so she wouldn’t be in pain. But my own helplessness…the suddenness….her life ebbing away…I was in shock. Why?! Why??  I stood there. Blank. Trying to come up with something. I was there when it had happened. I had let it happen. I should have done something sooner…

She passed away. I still can’t believe it. I keep seeing the cat lunge and the lifeless body in the pool of blood. I can’t process it…. My mind just gets kinda numb.

What does this mean? If something so horrible can happen right in front of you… for NO REASON… how can you ever save the people and things you care about? Is that life? Danger everywhere? For the first time I kind of actually first hand understand my parents insane protectiveness a bit. I mean there’s little you can do after something has happened. And you can never undo it. You don’t even know if you can fix it…. My dad always says better safe than sorry…

I don’t know. I don’t know.

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This life is promised to no one

You laze around, do what you want, occasionally feel guilty, comfort yourself that you’ll change, that you have plenty of time to make amends, to repent, to ask for forgiveness, but who the hell gave you that insurance? I don’t think any of us can be sure that we’re going to be alive tomorrow. You can’t even guarantee that your next breath won’t be your last. We view ourselves as the heroes of our lives, we watch movies, tv serials, drama’s that show us that heroes don’t die until they’ve done all they wanted to in life. But that’s not true, people die all the time, suddenly, without warning, with their dreams still on hold, the dreams and hopes that die with them. What about them? Is it really that impossible that you won’t be one of them?

We plot and we plan our futures, but what about the here and now? These moments, they do count, and they won’t come back. The here and now, that’s what will decide what will happen to you after you die. We forget, we’re humans and we forget. I’m ashamed to admit that I often shrug at my own carelessness, I sometimes skip namaz(prayer) and I regret it so much. I hope I won’t forget, I’m going yo try my best not to forget, to not be lazy. I mean is our will power really that weak? That we can’t get past our own laziness, our own desires. Are we no more than mere animals? Governed by our instincts, our drives, our emotions.

We can change, with time we can change. Our fate, our future both in this life and the next is entirely up to us. If you fall short, you have no one to blame but yourself. The journey is tough, but be patient, Allah (God) is Just.

Laugh with me

I thought it was gone
I wasn’t happy about it
But I thought it was gone
Laughing today
That unexpected carefree laugh today
Made it all came back
In that moment it all came back
If you were here with me
Would you be proud?
Would you be laughing with me?
In my head I can picture it
You would definitely be laughing with me
I want you to be laughing with me
In my head you are laughing with me
I can picture it…….
And my laughter ebbs away

For my granddad…………

For my Granddad.

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