You know that moment before you go on stage, in front of a crowd of strangers, and your stomach churns your insides, gnawing at you and making you feel like you have heart burn? Have you ever wondered why? Is it because you think your going to trip in your heels? That you’ll be speechless and people will laugh?
I had to give a speech tonight. It was my graduation, and well I didn’t HAVE to give it, but I wanted to. Even though the very thought gave me mini panic attacks and nausea. I’m actually not THAT shy of crowds, especially a crowd of strangers, I mean what are they going to do? Laugh? Laugh all they want I’ll never see them again. But my parents make me nervous. It’s probably my inherent need to please them that makes me want to be good, and I’m not good hence the panic. But well I wanted to give the speech because it was my graduation, I wanted the experience and the adrenaline. I’ve been cooped up at home for ages, which might explain why people now make me nervous. Even so I gave the speech. *rolls eyes* I only realized afterwards how utterly arrogant it was but alas nothing can be done now except to improve my future speeches. Anyway it went OK. I faltered a bit on the second paragraph but I got back into the flow a little towards the middle.
My best friend Shafia Elahi has a brother Abdul Rehman who has this awesome motto ‘If your afraid of it, do it’. Beautiful right. I don’t know if it’s original but whatever the case it’s a pretty cool motto. It would make life fun right? Full of a kind of thrill. Keeping morals in check that is. You could accomplish so much if every time you got scared, instead of hitting the deck you embraced the fear head on. Easier said than done, but it’s worth a shot. Seriously though, we give other people too much credit, everyone gets nervous,its not the end of the world. Anyone can look confident but be weak inside, and its OK. Give people a break, as well as yourselves. We are not perfect, we are humans. Chill and next time your scared, hit the adrenaline.
Note to self: Never wear awesome stuff to a house you know things can get messy at.
I had a feeling something would happen but did I listen to my instincts, nope. Ignored them completely and they bit back good! Lol not that I didn’t have fun….. It was awesome, minus the stuff getting ruined 😛
So we went round my cousins house tonight (got back a while ago) and we (my family, my ‘chachu/uncles family and I) enjoyed ourselves a lot. We started off with just going and sitting down. Then my sister and younger cousins went out saying that they were gonna play cricket. I told them to call me when they started cause I know my family well enough to know that they were gonna dilly dally like crazy. After five minutes I went to go check on them and sure enough they weren’t even close to starting. Some of the cousins were playing football while the others were riding the bicycles. I got one and rode too, that’s when the first thing got ruined…….Riding the bicycle, feeling great when suddenly I realize my ‘kameez/shirt’ is stuck in the chain. ‘Oh crap’ was the first thought but I survived that round with just some grease stains which I pray will come out. You would’ve thought I’d learned my lesson but no like the ‘dheet/stubborn’ person I am I rode on after freeing myself…. I was forced to learn a hard lesson and finally give up the next time my shirt got stuck….this time it ripped I loved that shirt. I designed and stitched it myself ….You know the one I was complaining about in ‘Productivity’.
Anyhow after that fiasco we all decided to play football. I love playing though I admit I’m not exactly brilliant. My team mates put me as a striker in the first half……they’re biggest mistake 😛 They all played so good it kinda scared me. I mean they hit the ball so hard I was intimidated. So naturally whenever the ball came my way I would freak and kick it all wrong….at times taking away from my own team mates though in my defense it was pretty dark. Moving on I was playing barefoot and in the dark and all in all I sucked, though I was the oldest person playing. I was having fun playing crap and all but enjoying myself because it was funny to see them getting all worked up over a game. I once kicked the ball so wrong that my younger cousin goes off muttering ‘wow’ sarcastically to herself. xD We were losing. My sister was the other teams’ goal keeper and she wasn’t doing squat. But somehow they had evaluated that she was good. Haha I joked with her that I should be the keeper too cause I wouldn’t have to do anything but still get credit.
We had a dinner break then after coming back my team mates made me goalie probably wanting me to get out of the way. It was a polite way of doing it so kudos to them. I surprised them all when I saved a goal so awesomely. I dived and stopped the ball…..to be honest I didn’t believe it myself. After that I was less of a burden and more accepted. Not great but good. I actually started saving goals really well though I don’t even know how, I still can’t believe I could’ve saved them and every time the ball came near me I was worried I was gonna screw up. But I survived and my team won 9-7.
It was during my goal keeping miracles that I broke my bracelet. I took it off worried something would happen and put it on the floor where I didn’t think the ball would come. But nope the ball came attracted by such a strong force of gravity that the flowers came off…… I’m going to glue it together again but I don’t think it’ll be that durable.
Nevertheless I had a blast laughing at dumb kicks and passes. The little things.
Ok so today is CHAAND RAAT =D hmmm I guess you could call it Eid eve…..its like Christmas eve but better! Lol thats my opinion. But the sad part is I got a sore throat and the flu……I swear of all the days the sickness could pick it picked the most inconvenient one….right on the bulls-eye. But I’m working through it.
Today we’re making lots and lots of cookies….gonna stay up and put mehndi/henna on myself and my cousins. My brothers getting back from the mosque today and tommorow we go to the village. I’m pretty excited. I can’t wait…though I’m not sure why…. Ok so on eid basically you go round peoples houses, relatives and friends, and you have lots of fun. Haha and for most kids and teens the best part is probably the money you get from your parents, aunts and uncles. Its cute watching little kids count their money and compare how much they got with other kids.
Last night my cousins and I had a competition…art competition just for the fun of it and the theme was eid. Well the cousins I live with are small but it was still fun. The picture I’m posting is the one I made.
I’m going to miss Ramazan. Its the month when you feel all religious and good. When you feel closer to Allah or God. It encourages you to change for the better and you learn how to abstain from stuff like food and drink. You realize the hardships that the less fortunate face on a daily basis and that breeds a sense of compassion. To me, Ramazan is like the start of a new year a time when I resolve to be a better person a better Muslim.
I hope my throat and flu clears up……………Gotta go…..kids want me to put mehndi on them…..EID MUBARAK TO EVERYONE! =)