Tag Archives: funny

Trim that fat

Her stomach growled and the hunger pangs were getting more and more painful. She groaned knowing she would have to get up to eat something but there was nothing in the kitchen that appealed to her. She wanted to eat, so badly. Putting the laptop on her bedside table she got to her feet wearily.

Stupid stomach, she thought to herself. It doesn’t even need the food. It has so much stored glycogen and fats and proteins. If only my hormones could be consciously controlled she thought, amused. Imagine it, to just point at an especially blubbery mass of your body and order your body to use the energy stored there. Glycogen, cortisol and corticosteroid all released at your minds consent. xD Forget dieting, everyone could be as slim as they wanted. And if someone was planning to go to say the desert, instead of packing they could just put on weight, literally.  ‘Trim that fat’ she said to herself, chuckling. The house was quiet and her laughter faintly echoed back. She shuddered and opened the fridge.

……………Meanwhile in a parallel universe……………

Zaid sat up in bed groggily. Rubbing his eyes and glancing at the clock he realized he was late for school. Pulling off the blanket,  he scrambled under his bed, groping around for his shoes. Finally finding them and putting them on, he grabbed his backpack. He got up to head out for school, but as an afterthought looked down, pointing at his stomach, ‘Trim that fat’ he muttered and a few grams of fat disappeared. He was getting low on reserves, he noted as he tried to recall the last time he ate. Shrugging, he decided to eat something after school………

Advertisements

If in a state of mega boredom then,

Look to the skies. The skies never fail.

So yesterday I was stuck at academy for a good two hours. In the cold, with my hands freezing, my feet would have been too but thank God I was wearing boots. My phone wasn’t working, can you believe my luck? Anyway, so basically I was bored cause it was a Saturday and I was the only Einstein who showed up. Well there were some boys there but they were strangers so they don’t count. Plus they were studying.

So I started listening to songs on my phone and looked up, out of habit. It was a cloudless sky, boring.But then I saw swarms of eagles flying here and there. I started observing them. From experience I know the ones back home hate me. Even though I’ve tried to get them to like me, they’re stubborn. Coming back to the story, I noticed that the wing and tail patterns of these eagles were different from each other and, since I’d given my biology midterm that day, I wanted to note down my ‘research’. To study how the different phenotype’s benefited the eagle who had it. Survival of the fittest being the law and all.

I have a feeling my eagle friends back home told these guys stuff about me. I swear whatever they said wasn’t true, but these poor fella’s didn’t know that. Nor did they let me clarify. As soon as I took my notebook out to draw them as they flew overhead, they stopped flying over head. They all ditched me. The nerve of them. Stopping me from my dreams of being a biologist. But I can be stubborn too, plus I had time. Lots and lots of time. So I sat there, staring obstinately and I managed to draw them, with no help from them at all.

The moral of the story being, the skies never fail, though the ones in them might 😛 So if the eagles don’t like you, no hard feelings, I’d like to believe they don’t like anyone. And if the skies themselves fail you…..well then your doomed. 🙂 jk

My research

My research

Straight Face

Lets see how it goes. I’ve signed up to represent my school in a humorous declamation. Meaning I’m screwed. I can’t tell a joke for the my life. Well at least I can’t tell one effectively. I crack up before the punch line and in between fits of laughter I try to explain what’s so funny. The poor soul who was at the wrong place at the wrong time just smiles apologetically and walks away leaving me, still trying to get a grip.

Just now I was about to tell my friend Iqra something, but I started laughing even before the words came out. She was like confused, but she’s kinda used to it. Problem is, the judges won’t be. Even debating on a serious topic I’m smiling. Though I’m not really conscious of it at the time, my friends tell me later. When I try to be mean, I say sorry reflexively. Plus I turn red when I’m embarrassed.

Imagine it, walking on stage, standing before a whole bunch of strangers, joking around and no one laughing. Why? Cause I’m laughing enough for the whole crowd. They can just watch me while I turn red and become all awkward. I’ll probably start stuttering and stammering too about then….I’l start talking fast and the speech will be over. Everyone will breathe a sigh of relief and clap me off the stage cause they’re glad its finally over. I’ll be glad too, and I won’t be able to look anyone in the eye ever again.

I might not even go if they can find someone better. Trust me it won’t be hard to out shine me. But if I do go I seriously need to learn how to keep a straight face. O.O

Lost

They ask where I’ve been

Occupied I say

‘Too busy to even talk?’ They ask

‘Too frazzled to even think.’ I reply

‘Well you better be with us tommorow’ They demand

‘What’s tommorow?’ I question, perplexed.

They’re silent

I look at the date….

I forgot my own birthday

o.O

The Joy of uncovering the unknown

A glimpse of my work

Ok so I’m no programmer but my future goals demand that I know how to make a decent website myself. So with that in mind as well as the thought that it couldn’t really be that much harder than making a blog, I signed up to make our school’s literary societies web page. I was doing great according to me and it felt so good to be good at it. You know the feeling, when you’ve never done something before but you find out that you have an unexpected knack for it? Well that was the feeling.

It was ten times better when I found a way to connect to Google maps xD I felt like proper Einstein!

Moving on so here I was in my little bubble of happiness and then a dude with a really sharp needle comes and pops it by asking me if I know what html is. Lol I had no clue and it turns out I knew very little, but with the help of a friend we both learned most of the kinks in a day and improved the site greatly. My bubble was back! ^_^ And this time it’s here for keeps, hopefully that is.

We faced a problem with the background and the other Media Heads were toying around with the template so that we could customize the background as per our demand. After supplying the picture I went to check what they had done to site and in their doodles I noticed how they were planning on going about their business. But instead of them I did it and can you believe they never even noticed! It was actually pretty amusing. I mean come on stuff doesn’t fix itself. If neither of you guys did it obviously it was the other Head. Haha xD Anyway so that’s the story of my road to learning how to design websites.

Thrill and Suspense

Yes I’m talking about matches between Pakistan and India. Cricket matches between these two countries aren’t actually cricket matches for us, citizens, rather they are a war. A friendly war if such a thing exists and a war in which our heart and soul both watch each and every ball with desperation in our hearts and prayers on our lips. I’ve heard accounts of people having heart attacks while watching the said matches…….I used find that weird but now I can empathize. I could have one too if I was older and fatter…

So moving on, today was a T20 match of these two rivals and a match we’d all been waiting for. Pakistan was on a winning streak had won its last 26 matches consecutively though we all knew that didn’t mean this match couldn’t go wrong. Our countries team had a knack of getting over confident and careless, I’m honestly surprised they have a winning streak greater than 5. Anyhow the first two overs were awesome! Pakistan made 25-1 and it was looking great! Even the one out didn’t matter and the cheering Indians were like siblings. It’s a weird kinship. After that though it went downhill and my heart was in my mouth. The Indians didn’t look so nice anymore and I was (I’m ashamed to admit) yelling at our batsmen to get a grip and do something worthwhile……..I’d like to think my words were what got them moving but it could just as easily have been my uncle praying and yelling beside me. Pakistan started batting like they meant it. That attitude however lasted around 3 overs before Shoaib Malik got out and we continued our spiral streak downhill. We made a rubbish score of 129 for ALL OUT -.- Talk about bistee (dissing)…..It was our worst score in the history of ICC and I thought to myself “What the heck? They had to make the lamest score ever in a match against India?!” But I guess they tried their best.

India’s performance was so good it was depressing. 😛 Every four (and there were a lot) had me and my family groaning and muttering in frustration. On every ball we’d all literally be chanting ‘Out, out, out,out……’ It only worked twice.

Don’t get me wrong I like Indians, they’re our fellow Asians, our brothers (cause we were once one country) and our neighbours but thrashing them in cricket is essential. Most people don’t even watch cricket unless its  a match between Pakistan and India. Last year when it was Pakistan vs India in the semi finals my family and I bought Pakistani team uniforms with our names on as well as matching caps. I was literally tearing up when we lost. I know it sounds waaaayyyy to emotional and dramatic but its like United States against Russia and North Korea vs South Korea. It’s healthy competition and yeah we need sportsman spirit but that’s reserved for other countries 😛 haha joking joking. I admit India played good (or the match was rigged 😉 )

Can’t wait for the next match between India. Lol there was a particular moment in the match that had me laughing despite the tension of the situation. One of India’s fielders caught a ball that got a Pakistani out. When the guy caught the ball he turned around and said something to the crowd while wagging his finger. It was so hilarious xD Obviously the Pakistani fans were yelling at him to drop the ball. It’s a thing we both do. The Indian crowd yells at our fielders and we yell at their’s. Sounds extreme but kept within limits its just a playful teasing.Till the next time India! We’ll beat you yet!

24 hours? So not enough

This is the dilemma I face when the college season starts and I don’t think its gonna improve when I move on to university.  Well that’s IF I even get into a university. Keeping up with the school syllabus,doing homework, planning school events, researching on universities and studying for their entry tests……that’s the stuff I should do and need to do. Of course I’m not going to spend my day doing JUST that, I have a policy that I have to have breaks, for Facebook, movies, music etc. So all in all this long to-do list just can’t be completed within 24 hours. Unless maybe I give up on my sleep, and nope that’s not an option because I love sleeping.

So here are the situations in which a day could be longer….. or could get everything that needs to be done done.

When the earth was formed and decided to start spinning, it could have shown people like me some consideration and spun more slowly, another hour or two would have been welcome with open arms……….The earth could have gotten pulled by the suns gravity a little further away than it is now so there could be more days in a year and hence they teach less per day and give more time for people to do stuff like 200 hours of community service…….But nooooo did the earth or the sun do this? I don’t think the sun would have even noticed if the earth shuffled away a little, but the earth is too ‘attracted’ to the great ball of fire…. When we all get over heated by global warming, the earth will realize the importance of this rant. But no amount of cryings gonna bring us back….no sirree.

OK if the earths going to be stubborn I could hope for a HUGE comet or asteroid to hit the earth and shove it away since its not going to move with nice requests. Of course the asteroid in question would tell us its coming to save the day so we can make preparations to not die when it hits. =P Lol I know this is all pretty far fetched and what not but it sure is fun to imagine and describe xD

Hmmm the earths not the only one that could move this way or that….. the school could change its timings so that they’re more adequate. Like starting at 10 or 11 so the students can get a good nights sleep, end at around 2 or 3. Not that that’ll help much because students are going to be students,no matter how late or early school starts they are going to have problems. I admit that, and yeah I could let go of some of my leisure time but that’s not going to help my situation because I’ve read that without taking breaks your not as productive as you could be 😛 So that’s my excuse. Pretty valid if you ask me.

Productivity

I NEED to do something productive! But why oh why am I so lazy? =/ I want to find or help develop a feasible way to generate power for my country. I want to write a book. I want to find a cure for cancer. I want to do so much! But I don’t know where to start! Ugh!

Hmmm…I guess I could start research on the properties of cancerous cells for starters. but the idea of surfing the net looking for useful information sounds pretty daunting. Ah thats the laziness speaking again….. you know my first and foremost plan should actually be to develop an anti-laziness pill……….Lol I think people would buy it….well I would so thats one customer right there….provided of course it was easily available,I aint driving halway across town to get it 😛 jking

I could finish stitching the clothes my mums been nagging me to make for awhile….I honestly actually started that a few hours ago,BUT one of my stitches went wrong and I have to ‘udheer’ it as they say in my language but I think in plain english it would mean to unstitch my stitches……n trust me that’s a LONG unrewarding task…plus it makes me feel like a screw up. This is why I dislike stitching.it makes me feel amateur. My cousins stitch awesome and frequently and neatly and fast as my mum constantly informs me. My stitching isn’t THAT bad…its just that well I enjoy doing things when I’m not told to do them. I know its weird and maybe my biggest weakness and flaw. I enjoy doing things more when I’m not told to them. When I’m told to do them they seem like labour. They actually feel like work. People get paid for that but I don’t.

Fine….I’l go do it.Soon………

%d bloggers like this: