I understand jokes. I understand playful teasing. I understand lines.
I love freedom; the notion that I can do what I want if the fancy strikes me. But no matter which way I think of it, I see boundaries of even that. The boundaries that make me human; a functional, analytical, empathetic, emotional being. Something that separates me from your average primate. The more you let yourself go the more animalistic you are. As I’m writing this I have this feeling I dreamt of something similar last night. Something about having control over yourself. I wish I could remember, I think I learned something.
Anyway, so many people I know go over these boundaries and don’t even think twice about them. They seem to think that they’re just being truthful, or that they’re being themselves…. I’m all for being yourself, but not if it’s hurting someone. We humans are so weak, so little can wreak so much havoc in our minds and if you think that’s not true then you’re in denial. You’re repressing it, and that repression makes you cold. You don’t see people’s feelings anymore because you’re denying yourself of your own too. Feeling, its not so bad my friend. It has its highs and lows, but it shows you what you want in life. It makes a day interesting, and you see people as people just like you rather than as a sea of enemies out to get you.
I do a lot of stuff that I want to. But the lines I have made are the ones that I hope make my parents happy. I try and keep within the moral code of religion. Then there are the ones that I have to protect people ( My siblings being the exception)(It’s just hard being nice to them)(I am trying though). You have no idea what someone is going through, you have no idea what might hurt them, you have no idea if all their laughter is fake and they’re just really brilliant actors. I’ve met so many people who fall in these categories that social conversations get confusing 😛 haha, nah it’s ok. You won’t be like that.
I don’t know. Basically what I’m trying to say is that, find your boundaries. Especially in this day and age where every other facebook post, tweet or anything is basically telling you to be yourself and not care what people think. I agree, but people are taking it to mean be as rude as you want without any regard for anyone else. Assess what you would or wouldn’t do and why. You’ll find your framework. It won’t restrict you, it’ll make things clearer for you and you won’t do as much things that you’ll regret. You’ll be happier with yourself and decisions will be easier to take and follow through.
It all comes down to, what’s important to you?
We all walk differently. The walking part is the same but we customize it with our own style. That style can be good or bad. Not that I mind whether a person walks with a slight shuffle or an uneasy awkwardness. I do that, it’s comfortable.
What inspired this post?
I was walking to class today and the guy in front me was walking so well! I know that sounds weird but man you should have seen him! It was so effortless, no hint of self consciousness at all! I can’t even call it walking, it was a proper strut. I found it hilarious. I mean I walk all slouched like, constantly reminding myself to stand up straighter and here he was practically gliding. I mean I thought grace was only in books. A fictional verb that couldn’t be applied to the real world. The sheer contrast of our gaits was comical. I was amused the whole lesson through. Still gives me a good laugh just remembering it.
We all walk differently and it depends upon what’s going through your head. My favourite is the one where you’re lost in thought and don’t consciously put one foot in front of the other…….doesn’t happen often. There’s the walk of shame, the walk of awkwardness, the walk of no-I’m-not-a-loner-I’m-independent etc. So this guy’s walk is classified as; I’m-proud-of-myself-I’m-awesome. Maybe I could walk like that someday if I didn’t think too much. Oh what a curse it is to overthink. It makes everything go wrong.
Ever noticed how people walk? It’s amusing. Just watch and judge and comment (in your head)……. keep yourselves amused…..no I mean, IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!
As a self proclaimed scientist, I observe, take readings and draw hypotheses. Totally justified.
I always do this shit. I pin expectations on people, get self conscious around them, and all for nothing. This has got to end. I’m too old for this shit. Focus. Focus.
I need to stop these fantasies here and now. They’re so utterly pointless. They just make you feel like an idiot. But what can I do if I have an overactive imagination. Imagination and thoughts are so beautiful, but they’re distracting. What to do, what to do. Maybe if I didn’t let people get to me. Easier said than done. You know, I’m most comfortable around strangers. The more I get to know people, the quieter I become. MAJOR problem. What am I doing? Shit I’m talking to myself again. Dammit.
I walk into the university campus and wander around the corridors, openly staring down all the people who have the misfortune to pass by me on this fine cloudy day. I was Arya Chaching, I was an author, I had a blog, I could do what I wanted without having to worry about what people thought about me. Besides I only stare for sociological reasons…… and well because I’m a writer, I need to observe. I can’t help laughing at the thought. Bahaane.
I’m late for class again. I don’t care. I will take my own sweet time because not only have I got no one to impress, but the weather’s so beautiful. I’d rather be out here than in a stuffy room which has barely enough oxygen for a dozen people let alone the hundred or so that squeeze in. I trudge towards class, it’s going to be ok, everything’s going to be fine. To my right a hawk swoops down and grabs a twig from the lawn. I stop and stare, awed. It’s so huge, it’s so cool. It glides away with it’s spoils and I watch it shrinking in the distance.
Refreshed I continue my journey and sing to myself. Today is a good day.
I walk in class, everyone turns around and stares. Cheeks aflame I sit down on the nearest seat I can find. Shit. Back to notch one.
Her stomach growled and the hunger pangs were getting more and more painful. She groaned knowing she would have to get up to eat something but there was nothing in the kitchen that appealed to her. She wanted to eat, so badly. Putting the laptop on her bedside table she got to her feet wearily.
Stupid stomach, she thought to herself. It doesn’t even need the food. It has so much stored glycogen and fats and proteins. If only my hormones could be consciously controlled she thought, amused. Imagine it, to just point at an especially blubbery mass of your body and order your body to use the energy stored there. Glycogen, cortisol and corticosteroid all released at your minds consent. xD Forget dieting, everyone could be as slim as they wanted. And if someone was planning to go to say the desert, instead of packing they could just put on weight, literally. ‘Trim that fat’ she said to herself, chuckling. The house was quiet and her laughter faintly echoed back. She shuddered and opened the fridge.
……………Meanwhile in a parallel universe……………
Zaid sat up in bed groggily. Rubbing his eyes and glancing at the clock he realized he was late for school. Pulling off the blanket, he scrambled under his bed, groping around for his shoes. Finally finding them and putting them on, he grabbed his backpack. He got up to head out for school, but as an afterthought looked down, pointing at his stomach, ‘Trim that fat’ he muttered and a few grams of fat disappeared. He was getting low on reserves, he noted as he tried to recall the last time he ate. Shrugging, he decided to eat something after school………
We all know that one person who never fails to amuse us. Whether they’re sarcastic and witty or just simply droll these people have everyone laughing, often at their own expense. It’s actually mighty admirable, I mean people don’t normally like laughing at themselves, they have pride. But why? People who are proud are so big headed, they can’t bear being the heart of a joke and to me, that’s plain cowardice. I mean, let go of all the arrogance and just laugh a little.
Often I find myself typing something incredibly stupid while texting someone, I half want to delete and it and write something else but quite often I don’t. I find myself laughing at the thought of my friend getting that message and her expression. I end up sending it and hoping she laughs or at the very least, smiles. I feel bad for everyone in my contacts list. xD They have to put up with a lot. 😛 In my defense I do it just in case. You never know when someone might need a good laugh and so I often say and do the dumbest things imaginable. Haha, people probably think I’m an utter idiot. Eh, they’re probably right.
I’m going to miss my bio teacher, Sir Riaz. He’s the one who actually inspired this article. From making weird amusing acronyms to help us learn, to joking around with random people just to elicit some laughter. Everyone looks forward to his lecture because he’s beyond hilarious. He’s so sweet, he’s the only teacher I’ve had since I joined KIPS that I’ve liked from beginning to end, because no matter how stupid your question is, he always answers it and explains until you understand. Unlike the physics teacher who just mocks any question raised.
There was a day when Sir was in a bad mood, he didn’t really yell at anyone or anything, he just didn’t crack any jokes. That was a very long day. We don’t get any breaks between lessons but his period always made up for that. I felt bad that day thinking someone said something to him because some people claim his jokes are vile when they’re not. People just need a reason to dislike you. Thankfully that bad spell only lasted a day and he was back to his former self the next day. What I learnt from that was, no matter how much people complain about you, there might be people out there who enjoys your weirdness. Think about that if you ever get tired of other peoples jibes.
Entry tests, entry tests, entry tests everywhere >.< There go my summer vacations down the drain. It’s such a drag, having to study rather than have fun with ones cousins and partying with ones friends. Funny thing is that I have an entry test tomorrow…..the one to my ideal university, and here I am, writing. Before you start pointing fingers let me just say, I need this. I’ve been itching to write for the past week but I’ve always managed to keep the drive at bay…… but now that I’m also staying away from Facebook, this is like my only outlet so let me be. 😛
Dammit, there are so many people competing in the tests and only one hundred or so get selected. Guess what my roll number is? 00003335. I can safely say there are 3334 people I’m up against and I can estimate that the actual number is in fact a lot bigger. *sigh* Well I’m drinking Sting(energy drink) so that should give me an edge 😉 haha, no wait don’t laugh….I need what little I can get ok. xD And this is only the first entry tests in a long list, line, queue of entry tests……just the thought makes me sleepy.
And if I get left behind? Oh crap that’s a depressing prospect. I should have had a back up plan. xD If I don’t get into medical it’ll be catastrophic, but no, I will never let that happen. I’l go beg for an acceptance if I have to……yes, I am that desperate. You know the creepiest part? I’ve heard that in the interviews the —(ideal uni) people hire psychiatrists to observe the candidates. So while we’re stuttering our way through the interviews we’re going to have to ignore the person in specs, scrutinizing our every minute movement, and taking notes with worried expressions. I swear if I see a frown from that psychiatrist I’m going to bolt, I mean it’s highly probable that they realized I’m actually a serial killer. o.o Or worse, that I’m not — material. Though what are they thinking? Psychoanalyzing us when we’re terrified out of our wits, we’re obviously gonna exhibit some sort of mental disorder. I might be bipolar to them, and the girl before me probably had OCD. Oii smart people, we’re tense, let us be.
Oh and I used ‘—‘ in case the — people find this offensive in any way. The uni isn’t actually called — its actually……………… Oh look, some almonds. 😉
Look to the skies. The skies never fail.
So yesterday I was stuck at academy for a good two hours. In the cold, with my hands freezing, my feet would have been too but thank God I was wearing boots. My phone wasn’t working, can you believe my luck? Anyway, so basically I was bored cause it was a Saturday and I was the only Einstein who showed up. Well there were some boys there but they were strangers so they don’t count. Plus they were studying.
So I started listening to songs on my phone and looked up, out of habit. It was a cloudless sky, boring.But then I saw swarms of eagles flying here and there. I started observing them. From experience I know the ones back home hate me. Even though I’ve tried to get them to like me, they’re stubborn. Coming back to the story, I noticed that the wing and tail patterns of these eagles were different from each other and, since I’d given my biology midterm that day, I wanted to note down my ‘research’. To study how the different phenotype’s benefited the eagle who had it. Survival of the fittest being the law and all.
I have a feeling my eagle friends back home told these guys stuff about me. I swear whatever they said wasn’t true, but these poor fella’s didn’t know that. Nor did they let me clarify. As soon as I took my notebook out to draw them as they flew overhead, they stopped flying over head. They all ditched me. The nerve of them. Stopping me from my dreams of being a biologist. But I can be stubborn too, plus I had time. Lots and lots of time. So I sat there, staring obstinately and I managed to draw them, with no help from them at all.
The moral of the story being, the skies never fail, though the ones in them might 😛 So if the eagles don’t like you, no hard feelings, I’d like to believe they don’t like anyone. And if the skies themselves fail you…..well then your doomed. 🙂 jk
Lets see how it goes. I’ve signed up to represent my school in a humorous declamation. Meaning I’m screwed. I can’t tell a joke for the my life. Well at least I can’t tell one effectively. I crack up before the punch line and in between fits of laughter I try to explain what’s so funny. The poor soul who was at the wrong place at the wrong time just smiles apologetically and walks away leaving me, still trying to get a grip.
Just now I was about to tell my friend Iqra something, but I started laughing even before the words came out. She was like confused, but she’s kinda used to it. Problem is, the judges won’t be. Even debating on a serious topic I’m smiling. Though I’m not really conscious of it at the time, my friends tell me later. When I try to be mean, I say sorry reflexively. Plus I turn red when I’m embarrassed.
Imagine it, walking on stage, standing before a whole bunch of strangers, joking around and no one laughing. Why? Cause I’m laughing enough for the whole crowd. They can just watch me while I turn red and become all awkward. I’ll probably start stuttering and stammering too about then….I’l start talking fast and the speech will be over. Everyone will breathe a sigh of relief and clap me off the stage cause they’re glad its finally over. I’ll be glad too, and I won’t be able to look anyone in the eye ever again.
I might not even go if they can find someone better. Trust me it won’t be hard to out shine me. But if I do go I seriously need to learn how to keep a straight face. O.O
Ok so I’m no programmer but my future goals demand that I know how to make a decent website myself. So with that in mind as well as the thought that it couldn’t really be that much harder than making a blog, I signed up to make our school’s literary societies web page. I was doing great according to me and it felt so good to be good at it. You know the feeling, when you’ve never done something before but you find out that you have an unexpected knack for it? Well that was the feeling.
It was ten times better when I found a way to connect to Google maps xD I felt like proper Einstein!
Moving on so here I was in my little bubble of happiness and then a dude with a really sharp needle comes and pops it by asking me if I know what html is. Lol I had no clue and it turns out I knew very little, but with the help of a friend we both learned most of the kinks in a day and improved the site greatly. My bubble was back! ^_^ And this time it’s here for keeps, hopefully that is.
We faced a problem with the background and the other Media Heads were toying around with the template so that we could customize the background as per our demand. After supplying the picture I went to check what they had done to site and in their doodles I noticed how they were planning on going about their business. But instead of them I did it and can you believe they never even noticed! It was actually pretty amusing. I mean come on stuff doesn’t fix itself. If neither of you guys did it obviously it was the other Head. Haha xD Anyway so that’s the story of my road to learning how to design websites.
I NEED to do something productive! But why oh why am I so lazy? =/ I want to find or help develop a feasible way to generate power for my country. I want to write a book. I want to find a cure for cancer. I want to do so much! But I don’t know where to start! Ugh!
Hmmm…I guess I could start research on the properties of cancerous cells for starters. but the idea of surfing the net looking for useful information sounds pretty daunting. Ah thats the laziness speaking again….. you know my first and foremost plan should actually be to develop an anti-laziness pill……….Lol I think people would buy it….well I would so thats one customer right there….provided of course it was easily available,I aint driving halway across town to get it 😛 jking
I could finish stitching the clothes my mums been nagging me to make for awhile….I honestly actually started that a few hours ago,BUT one of my stitches went wrong and I have to ‘udheer’ it as they say in my language but I think in plain english it would mean to unstitch my stitches……n trust me that’s a LONG unrewarding task…plus it makes me feel like a screw up. This is why I dislike stitching.it makes me feel amateur. My cousins stitch awesome and frequently and neatly and fast as my mum constantly informs me. My stitching isn’t THAT bad…its just that well I enjoy doing things when I’m not told to do them. I know its weird and maybe my biggest weakness and flaw. I enjoy doing things more when I’m not told to them. When I’m told to do them they seem like labour. They actually feel like work. People get paid for that but I don’t.
Fine….I’l go do it.Soon………