From my window of Gynaecology Unit 2, District Headquarters Hospital, Faisalabad, Punjab, Pakistan, in the wee hours of the morning, in between patient CTGs.
And our eyes danced.
We all know that one person who never fails to amuse us. Whether they’re sarcastic and witty or just simply droll these people have everyone laughing, often at their own expense. It’s actually mighty admirable, I mean people don’t normally like laughing at themselves, they have pride. But why? People who are proud are so big headed, they can’t bear being the heart of a joke and to me, that’s plain cowardice. I mean, let go of all the arrogance and just laugh a little.
Often I find myself typing something incredibly stupid while texting someone, I half want to delete and it and write something else but quite often I don’t. I find myself laughing at the thought of my friend getting that message and her expression. I end up sending it and hoping she laughs or at the very least, smiles. I feel bad for everyone in my contacts list. xD They have to put up with a lot. 😛 In my defense I do it just in case. You never know when someone might need a good laugh and so I often say and do the dumbest things imaginable. Haha, people probably think I’m an utter idiot. Eh, they’re probably right.
I’m going to miss my bio teacher, Sir Riaz. He’s the one who actually inspired this article. From making weird amusing acronyms to help us learn, to joking around with random people just to elicit some laughter. Everyone looks forward to his lecture because he’s beyond hilarious. He’s so sweet, he’s the only teacher I’ve had since I joined KIPS that I’ve liked from beginning to end, because no matter how stupid your question is, he always answers it and explains until you understand. Unlike the physics teacher who just mocks any question raised.
There was a day when Sir was in a bad mood, he didn’t really yell at anyone or anything, he just didn’t crack any jokes. That was a very long day. We don’t get any breaks between lessons but his period always made up for that. I felt bad that day thinking someone said something to him because some people claim his jokes are vile when they’re not. People just need a reason to dislike you. Thankfully that bad spell only lasted a day and he was back to his former self the next day. What I learnt from that was, no matter how much people complain about you, there might be people out there who enjoys your weirdness. Think about that if you ever get tired of other peoples jibes.
Charles Horton Cooley in his concept of the looking glass self describes how we,humans, tend to derive our essence, our personality from those around us. He explains this as, ‘There is no self without society, no “I” without a corresponding “they” to provide our self image.’ We look at how other people perceive us, and judge ourselves accordingly.
Now is that right? I mean people don’t know us fully, they only see what we show them. Then they judge us based on how we treat them, selfishly without any consideration to the bigger picture. But then again, technically how we react to people is who we are, even if we are faking it, is still ‘us’, under our conscious control.
It’s a twisting concept…..Cooley basically explains how we wouldn’t have personalities without society. That there’d be no self,we wouldn’t have proper emotions or coherant thoughts …………. Thats a big hole in the Tarzan story. 😛 Sorry that was random. I guess it is Disney so anything is possible. Disney’s awesome. 😀 …………Ok back to the topic.
So basically no matter how much we try to not let people affect us, they do. They’re the ones who tell us who we are, but what we choose to do with that image is up to us. If people view us as stupid, it’s up to us whether to let that be true and do nothing, or try to change that about ourself. That way we influence their views, and hence our views, so we have some control over it! Yes! Thats somewhat comforting……But technically our attitude to peoples views also depends upon how we saw people tackle similar situations. So the people also influence our reactions to their thoughts.
Confusing stuff…….very twisted. Everyone we know, knew or will know….. they all have an impact on us.
Hold your own
know your name
and go your own way. ~Details in the Fabric
People can be so mean…..They probably don’t think what they did was, but words cut. They sink deep and eat a person up. Makes them think everything they did was so way wrong and out of line, even if it was an honest mistake. Something they had thought was harmless…..Your tone when you say things says it all.
Yes people, first hand experience speaking here. I sung something that apparently offended a friend…..She said a few stuff and now I feel terrible inside. But I wouldn’t chalk all of the sick gut feeling to her. It’s not her fault….I’ve been feeling all terrible and what not for twenty four hours now…..A ticking bomb that was gonna explode into a depression over the slightest thing.
Yesterday it was over nothing I could tell….one minute I was fine and the next I was ultra confused and heavy hearted with knots in my stomach. Probably a mood swing….And now today this has me peering into the endless pit that is my social tactfulness. I suck at being formal. I struggle to say things appropriate for the situation. Anyway I’m gonna stop there cause this rant is benefiting no one.
“I failed my chemistry midterm. I know it’s only a monthly assessment for my classmates, but for me it’s something much more. I feel pale. It’s hard to breathe. If my grades don’t improve I have no future. My aunt and uncle have been kind enough to put up with me since my parents died two years ago. But I feel like a burden on them. I’m an outsider in their home. I feel like an intruder. I don’t belong. No matter what I do, no matter how much I achieve I feel incomplete. There’s no one to share my victories with. Who’ll feel proud of me when I succeed and tell me off when I screw up. My heart splutters. I wish I could hug my mum.
It’s this need that exists in every second of every day, that has me crawling into a fetal position to try and ease the pain, that I want to discard. Maybe if I got better grades, my teachers would appreciate me….If I smoked those cigarettes everyone in class does they would accept me as one of them. Who cares if I die anyway…..”
So much more than that plagues the mind of an orphan. My heart goes out to them and I wish I could just take them all and give them a huge hug, give them all the love they crave and deserve. I seriously cannot wait until I’m independent enough to adopt an orphan! Heck, I would right now but I want to be able to provide for him/her so that means waiting for a while until I get a job.
See the world. Don’t just look, see with your eyes, mind and heart.~A.A.Jaspal
They ask where I’ve been
Occupied I say
‘Too busy to even talk?’ They ask
‘Too frazzled to even think.’ I reply
‘Well you better be with us tommorow’ They demand
‘What’s tommorow?’ I question, perplexed.
I look at the date….
I forgot my own birthday
In memories you glide
Bringing unstoppable smiles to my face
My mood adjusts and suddenly everything’s right
I can’t even recall why my heart cried
It’s a wonder how you manage such fetes with such grace
Though I will never question my little light
Look around, the trees,the flowers,the clouds,the mud……..everything is so beautiful. Just looking at these things makes me grateful I can see them. That I was born with eyes that can see colours, that colours even exist for me to see. Try it. Look around yourself and just appreciate every minute detail, every minute colour and shade… It’s invigorating.
Look down at your hands. Isn’t it just awesome that you have hands. That you have the power to control their movement unlike those people who are paralyzed?
Your blessings don’t just end there however, you also have taste buds that enable you to taste delicious delicacies and bask in the sensation of the different flavours.
What have we done to deserve such gifts? What have the people who don’t have them done to have themselves stripped of these necessities? Nothing. So sit back and feel grateful. You have it better than some. Make the most of what you have and be grateful for everything you have. We can never thank Allah/God enough for all He’s bestowed upon us.
Note to self: Never wear awesome stuff to a house you know things can get messy at.
I had a feeling something would happen but did I listen to my instincts, nope. Ignored them completely and they bit back good! Lol not that I didn’t have fun….. It was awesome, minus the stuff getting ruined 😛
So we went round my cousins house tonight (got back a while ago) and we (my family, my ‘chachu/uncles family and I) enjoyed ourselves a lot. We started off with just going and sitting down. Then my sister and younger cousins went out saying that they were gonna play cricket. I told them to call me when they started cause I know my family well enough to know that they were gonna dilly dally like crazy. After five minutes I went to go check on them and sure enough they weren’t even close to starting. Some of the cousins were playing football while the others were riding the bicycles. I got one and rode too, that’s when the first thing got ruined…….Riding the bicycle, feeling great when suddenly I realize my ‘kameez/shirt’ is stuck in the chain. ‘Oh crap’ was the first thought but I survived that round with just some grease stains which I pray will come out. You would’ve thought I’d learned my lesson but no like the ‘dheet/stubborn’ person I am I rode on after freeing myself…. I was forced to learn a hard lesson and finally give up the next time my shirt got stuck….this time it ripped I loved that shirt. I designed and stitched it myself ….You know the one I was complaining about in ‘Productivity’.
Anyhow after that fiasco we all decided to play football. I love playing though I admit I’m not exactly brilliant. My team mates put me as a striker in the first half……they’re biggest mistake 😛 They all played so good it kinda scared me. I mean they hit the ball so hard I was intimidated. So naturally whenever the ball came my way I would freak and kick it all wrong….at times taking away from my own team mates though in my defense it was pretty dark. Moving on I was playing barefoot and in the dark and all in all I sucked, though I was the oldest person playing. I was having fun playing crap and all but enjoying myself because it was funny to see them getting all worked up over a game. I once kicked the ball so wrong that my younger cousin goes off muttering ‘wow’ sarcastically to herself. xD We were losing. My sister was the other teams’ goal keeper and she wasn’t doing squat. But somehow they had evaluated that she was good. Haha I joked with her that I should be the keeper too cause I wouldn’t have to do anything but still get credit.
We had a dinner break then after coming back my team mates made me goalie probably wanting me to get out of the way. It was a polite way of doing it so kudos to them. I surprised them all when I saved a goal so awesomely. I dived and stopped the ball…..to be honest I didn’t believe it myself. After that I was less of a burden and more accepted. Not great but good. I actually started saving goals really well though I don’t even know how, I still can’t believe I could’ve saved them and every time the ball came near me I was worried I was gonna screw up. But I survived and my team won 9-7.
It was during my goal keeping miracles that I broke my bracelet. I took it off worried something would happen and put it on the floor where I didn’t think the ball would come. But nope the ball came attracted by such a strong force of gravity that the flowers came off…… I’m going to glue it together again but I don’t think it’ll be that durable.
Nevertheless I had a blast laughing at dumb kicks and passes. The little things.
You know what I love? How randomly one little thing that happens to you can make you feel so good! I mean you read it, you see it, you hear it or anything and at that moment you feel great! Something totally random. Something that to others is probably not that big of a deal just totally lights up your world and suddenly the world seems right. =D
Ok so now you’re probably wondering…..huh? What the heck has her so worked up?
It was actually a blog about this girl(confessionsofasmalltownslacker) (Yeah I know even her name is awesome) who seems so much like me that it felt great to read through each and every one of her posts. Yeah it sounds stalkerish but what the hay =P Everything sounded like something I could write. Reading it made me feel less weird….so yeah that was the reason for the awesome mood at the moment.
Other times awesome moods hit me…….once I felt terrible and I locked myself in my room. After like half an hour of crying (I can’t remember why) I heard the sound of little kittens meowing outside the window. The sound of the kittens made me feel better instantly…..I was really grateful.
Hmm mm other times, other times…..my friends are good sweet talkers. So sometimes they help out. Other times its a random quote I happen to come across or a song with nice lyrics. Even the fact that someone notices I’m upset and takes the trouble to ask makes me feel better because I’m not good at expressing myself so most people don’t even realize when I’m upset. You can see how that’s depressing in its own way when no one even notices…. but yeah then that’s the point. Its the little things that sometimes get us through the bad stuff. And when someone actually helps you get through a tough spot you tend to remember it and be forever indebted to that person. So anytime you see someone upset even though you might not know what to say, most of the time even listening helps.
Ok I got off track there, the post was supposed to be light hearted…..anyway! I just want to say…….Enjoy the little things!