Tag Archives: opinion

Dwelling

Fact is, the more you dwell the more insurmountable it seems.
I’ve been kind of obsessing again lately. All the things I wish were different, the whole ‘if only’ streak. It’s hard letting go of something you thought was the truth all those years. You wonder and you wonder of ways in which you could be wrong now just to justify your past delusion; but you have to accept it and work from that.

My coping mechanism for a terrible world is sleep. To just lay in bed, curl up with a layer of blanket hugging me and just drift off. So that’s been me the past couple of days. I caught myself mid process just now, realizing what I was doing and thought I’d write about it. Come up with a motivating solution. It could help.

Pity parties just come naturally to me. One thing gone wrong and I spiral into a vast ocean of all things to go wrong ever and how life sucks, and I do too kind of. Not everything is the end of the world. I should know that as well as all those unfortunate people out there who have the same tendency.

One great example is how I got a tad depressed over my siblings and cousins going out to a new eatery while I was out of town. It sounds like a small thing but my mind blew it wayy out of proportion and I was hugely down for a couple of hours. Turns out (I found out a few days later) that they never even went, they simply walked in, sat down and walked out. So I basically obsessed over nothing and ruined part of a pretty good day.

So what shall I do now? The problem at hand isn’t exactly small by any measure, objectively or especially subjectively. And what really has me pensive is wondering if I should be doing something. But I can’t think of anything. I’m at a stalemate and what I really want to do is leave it to destiny.

It sounds weak but I think sometimes it’s okay. When you can’t think of any plausible solution, when you’ve been deluded for years, and when you have indeed tried your best. Destiny is destiny, you work hard but at the end of the day whether you work or not, you get what you get. Try as hard as you can and leave the rest to God.

You can’t ever predict your life. Some things are up to fate. Try not to life pass you by while you obsess because that will happen, and it will happen without you even realizing it. Plus self pity gives you an excuse to go easy on yourself. ‘It’s okay if you didn’t give your porject 100%, shit was happening’ or ‘So what you weren’t there for your friend, you were going through your own hell’. *sigh* I’ve been guilty of both and a lot more the past year.

It’s easy to let yourself off. But time doesn’t come back. It’s not fair to you, or those around you. You’ll regret wasting so much energy on something you couldn’t have done anything about. All the mental tension and strain, how it influenced your life, will all have been for naught. Live your life and give things your 100%; no excuses. Leave to fate things you can not control. Breathe. It will be fine.

Breathe. Focus on the present.

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Walking, overthought

We all walk differently. The walking part is the same but we customize it with our own style. That style can be good or bad. Not that I mind whether a person walks with a slight shuffle or an uneasy awkwardness. I do that, it’s comfortable.

What inspired this post?
I was walking to class today and the guy in front me was walking so well! I know that sounds weird but man you should have seen him! It was so effortless, no hint of self consciousness at all! I can’t even call it walking, it was a proper strut. I found it hilarious. I mean I walk all slouched like, constantly reminding myself to stand up straighter and here he was practically gliding. I mean I thought grace was only in books. A fictional verb that couldn’t be applied to the real world. The sheer contrast of our gaits was comical. I was amused the whole lesson through. Still gives me a good laugh just remembering it.

We all walk differently and it depends upon what’s going through your head. My favourite is the one where you’re lost in thought and don’t consciously put one foot in front of the other…….doesn’t happen often. There’s the walk of shame, the walk of awkwardness, the walk of no-I’m-not-a-loner-I’m-independent etc. So this guy’s walk is classified as; I’m-proud-of-myself-I’m-awesome. Maybe I could walk like that someday if I didn’t think too much. Oh what a curse it is to overthink. It makes everything go wrong.

Ever noticed how people walk? It’s amusing. Just watch and judge and comment (in your head)……. keep yourselves amused…..no I mean, IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!
As a self proclaimed scientist, I observe, take readings and draw hypotheses. Totally justified.

Social Expectations

I lack speaking skills. I don’t know what to do in informal situations. Sure in a debate I can survive but when it comes to complete randomness I’m at a loss for words(I’m not that great at debating either). The conversation seems utterly pointless to me and all I can think is, ‘so what?’ or ‘what’s the point of even talking about this?’ and what not. Then people think I’m quiet, so I talk. I say complete crap and it’s such a strain that when I’m free from the group I feel like I need a time out.

That’s where the beauty of friendship lies though. The fact that even complete crap feels relevant. That silence is comfortable. That just being with them is relaxing and you’re left wondering why you tried so hard with people you didn’t need. All you needed was them.

When I’m with people I usually force myself to say things, not all the time, just mostly. Why though? I shouldn’t talk just to make the awkwardness go away or because I feel that’s what is socially required. I should be comfortable in silence. Which I am not. Which I shall work on, spouting nonsense is pretty tiring. That’s why I respect quiet people a little, they don’t feel obligated to be in the conversation. They observe from the sidelines with cool indifference and only talk when the fancy strikes them. That is something I aspire to do. To speak when I want to.

Hypothetically, what if I never want to? Well logically even then it’s fine. Who is society to tell me when to talk?

What’s the worst that could happen

You know compliments are kind of weird. You can’t say that people don’t give them because lots of people do, and you can’t say people do give them because lots of jealous people don’t. But you should! And you know what? You should give them even more when you’re a stranger to the person. Like if you’re walking by someone and you see a drawing or something, and you genuinely like it, stop by and say it. First of all, why not? What’s the person gonna do to you anyway? Second of all, a stranger’s compliment is a pretty great thing. I mean your friends won’t ever tell you the truth, well even if they are telling  you the truth you don’t really believe them, but a stranger is reliable. I mean you’re totally objective. You could have walked by without saying anything if you didn’t like it, but the fact that you actually liked something enough to say it makes it a worthy opinion. The main reason you SHOULD compliment the person being that it’ll make them happy. And we should spread that as much as we can.
In contrast, if you hate the drawing or whatever, the drawing being an analogy, just shut up and walk on. You don’t know the whole story, you’re not entitled to judge anyone. Heck even if we discuss the drawing literally, who are you to say art is bad. Art is too subjective for anyone’s opinion to be valid.
Basically compliment people as much as you can. Genuinely of course…….though  there are grey areas. I mean when you have the power to make someone happy, to encourage them, to boost their confidence, why won’t you use it?

Teachers matter

Teachers are people who we directly or indirectly look to for guidance. Even the most laid back student who hardly pays attention in class is affected by what a teacher says to them. But for some reason I don’t think teachers know this, or if they do and they still choose to act rudely, well they don’t deserve to be in the profession. Yes you’re allowed to get angry, yes you are human, but is it so hard to apologize? Or is it so hard to use a softer tone.

I went to talk to my biochemistry sir after class to ask a few questions because I love asking questions, even stupid ones. I don’t feel like I’ve learnt anything otherwise. But whatever, so I went and waited outside his office before he let me in. Then as soon as I walked in he started yelling at me for trying to bunk the next class. He didn’t even listen to the questions, he just told me to go to class and to not be so rude. It’s a new university and I don’t exactly have friends so I just felt so bad.

My friend told me about a teacher of hers who demeans her all the time too. It made her hate the subject. That’s how seriously a teacher can affect a kid’s future. They play with our lives with their moods and they don’t even know it. A teacher has the power to make a person, to break a person. And with great power comes great responsibility.

So many teachers get annoyed at questions. They just want you to sit there and nod, then they pretend to care and ask if anyone has questions when in fact they’re not really interested, save a few. First of all they should encourage questions, we have robots to learn stuff without reason, and second if you really don’t want us to as questions, don’t even dangle the option in front of us and then yell at us for our stupidity afterwards.

I hope a teacher reads this and actually realizes that students do care, though we pretend to laugh it off.

Musings Part 5

I am so annoyed right now. I am such a pushover. I used to think it’s because I joke around that people don’t take me seriously but now I think it’s also because I’m way too flexible. Is it my fault that I like to accommodate other peoples ideas and thoughts into a decision? Or that I’m not THAT stubborn.

People only take me seriously in the beginning when they think I’m someone who has an opinion. But over time I get sidelined because I don’t yell as much as other people? I don’t get it. That’s the problem. I mean if I understood the root cause of why people everywhere sideline me I would be able to fix it. But if I don’t know why I can’t do anything. On top of it all I can’t be objective. I’m obviously biased and so my theories are subjective. And to top it, no one will ever tell me why because they’ll start off by saying I don’t get sidelined, then blah blah I’m this blah blah I’m that. No straight answer. I’m frustrated.

Plus I used to think maybe it’s just people I used to know but even new people have started adopting this sideline-sleepy programme. If it’s because I’m too pliable, well I don’t know, I just don’t see the logic in continuing to stand by your stance when you realize you’re wrong or that someone else’s idea is better. It could be my readiness to accept I’m wrong and that other people’s ideas are better too. But then that comes under pride; to assume all I say is the best. See what I mean by confusing.

This shall be improved upon. Maybe if I didn’t care if people heard me they would hear me. People are twisted that way.

The art of Friendship

Maybe I go about friendship wrong. We all have our own ways to make friends. My ways had worked for me so far, but PMC has me stumped. Not that I’m complaining, I’m still not sure whether I mind it or not, after all I already have awesome friends, they just don’t go to the same university.

Ok so my belief or method is that I think it should be natural, gradual and strengthen over time. I’m quick to call people my friends, I rarely put people in the acquaintance list and if you’re there, I don’t really like you much. But there’s a difference between a friend, and A FRIEND. A close friend. Those people can’t be forced, or rushed. Plus I don’t like imposing myself so I don’t force someone to walk for me or wait for me but what I’ve noticed is that other people do do that. It makes me wonder if that strengthens friendship and if that is indeed the way to go. My best friend, Nafisa, used to do that i.e make me and my other friends walk everywhere together. The very thought of us separating even to go do some work seemed scandalous to her. She would make a super dramatic expression of outrage and drag you the other way. I miss that a little, though I hated it times then. It was so annoying; I mean you need space to breathe sometimes. But it was sweet in a way, NOW that I think about it.

I’m actually pretty new at this. Haha go figure, I’ve been in the same school for a little over seven years with my close friends for five. Hmmm, so it took two years for me to get close to people then. xD Perhaps I’m just impatient now. Oh well. But I still can’t impose. I wonder how people do it straight up. Maybe I should just a little. Today I was walking the streets in the university when I saw a person who had a mutual friend with me, walking with a new kid who came today. They’d been inseparable since second period and it was the end of the day. Seeing them is what inspired this article. I mean I don’t do that, maybe I should, I just observe people and admire their qualities but don’t go up to them abruptly. I think I did before, when Nafisa joined my old school I appointed myself as her guide and hung out with her……… hmmmmmm. I’ll give it time, I’ve only been going a month.

 

My posts

So I just want to clarify, I’m not smart. I’m not deep, I’m not perfect. When I talk about things on this blog of mine I’m trying to tell myself what to do, what not to do and how to look at things. I publish them because I just want to help someone if they’re confused and to discuss a difference of opinion if someone thinks what I said was wrong.

Hit the adrenaline

You know that moment before you go on stage, in front of a crowd of strangers, and your stomach churns your insides, gnawing at you and making you feel like you have heart burn? Have you ever wondered why? Is it because you think your going to trip in your heels? That you’ll be speechless and people will laugh?

I had to give a speech tonight. It was my graduation, and well I didn’t HAVE to give it, but I wanted to. Even though the very thought gave me mini panic attacks and nausea. I’m actually not THAT shy of crowds, especially a crowd of strangers, I mean what are they going to do? Laugh? Laugh all they want I’ll never see them again. But my parents make me nervous. It’s probably my inherent need to please them that makes me want to be good, and I’m not good hence the panic. But well I wanted to give the speech because it was my graduation, I wanted the experience and the adrenaline. I’ve been cooped up at home for ages, which might explain why people now make me nervous. Even so I gave the speech. *rolls eyes* I only realized afterwards how utterly arrogant it was but alas nothing can be done now except to improve my future speeches. Anyway it went OK. I faltered a bit on the second paragraph but I got back into the flow a little towards the middle.

My best friend Shafia Elahi has a brother Abdul Rehman who has this awesome motto ‘If your afraid of it, do it’. Beautiful right. I don’t know if it’s original but whatever the case it’s a pretty cool motto. It would make life fun right? Full of a kind of thrill. Keeping morals in check that is. You could accomplish so much if every time you got scared, instead of hitting the deck you embraced the fear head on. Easier said than done, but it’s worth a shot. Seriously though, we give other people too much credit, everyone gets nervous,its not the end of the world. Anyone can look confident but be weak inside, and its OK. Give people a break, as well as yourselves. We are not perfect, we are humans. Chill and next time your scared, hit the adrenaline.

Appearances

Anyone can use fancy words, it’s what they do that counts. ~A.A.J

To be patient

Patience is a virtue often mistaken as weakness. But the fact is, to be patient, is to be the strongest.  ~A.A.Jaspal

Unwarranted Jealousy

Ok this post is going to be a bit cynical and it’s just an opinion so I don’t want anyone to start fighting over the content. Chill, I know people are different…..I’m just giving my opinion and this stuff is somewhat true for me too, as bad as it is. I just needed to write it…… I don’t know why, just did.

Well here’s the deal, us girls and by us girls that includes me, or maybe just me I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure other people can relate too, well when we see people succeed at something we get jealous. Sure we put on a smile congratulate them maybe even compliment them but inside we resent them. The fact is, it’s not them we resent, but ourselves. We’re internally kicking ourselves for failing or not trying enough. This could be true for guys too.

It might not even be a competition. It could be that we’re jealous of someones good looks, their grace, the way they get along with everyone, how they have a better easier life, anything. We dislike that person because being around them or talking to them just reminds us of our shortcomings. The dislike turns to hate when people start preferring them over us, or treating us differently, They might not even actually be doing anything but once you start hating someone, everything they do seems wrong to you. You see everything through prejudiced eyes that amplify everything and read too much into situations. You try to contain your hate but it starts to show. You turn hostile towards them and maybe even start demeaning them. The poor soul hasn’t even done anything, our own insecurities have made them a victim. We’ve seen it in countless movies, pretty girls get shunned by other girls just because of their looks, even if they’re nice. People feel threatened when someone’s better than them.

I’m ashamed to say that yeah I do it too…….. I try not to, but you know it just gets to your mind. You pity your own flaws and resent the other person for being so perfect. You start looking for flaws in them and that’s wrong. The first step to solving a problem is to acknowledge it. I’m not saying that no one ever congratulates someone genuinely no no, that’s not true. I know I honestly get happy when someone succeeds or accomplishes something. Jealousy situations are less, but they are there. Lol they can be as small as this; like when someone who always gets the highest in class says they never study, you tend to get angry at them and your like ‘ yeah right’, and you think that that person is such a liar when it could in fact be true. I’m speaking from experience here. It is actually possible.

I apologize if I over emphasized girls but I just felt that girls get jealous more. Boys do too though, they’re not perfect. The point of the post was just to make you think before you start disliking someone. Honestly ask yourself what the real reason is that you don’t like them. Food for thought.

For laughs

We all know that one person who never fails to amuse us. Whether they’re sarcastic and witty or just simply droll these people have everyone laughing, often at their own expense. It’s actually mighty admirable, I mean people don’t normally like laughing at themselves, they have pride. But why? People who are proud are so big headed, they can’t bear being the heart of a joke and to me, that’s plain cowardice. I mean, let go of all the arrogance and just laugh a little.

Often I find myself typing something incredibly stupid while texting someone, I half want to delete and it and write something else but quite often I don’t. I find myself laughing at the thought of my friend getting that message and her expression. I end up sending it and hoping she laughs or at the very least, smiles. I feel bad for everyone in my contacts list. xD They have to put up with a lot. 😛 In my defense I do it just in case. You never know when someone might need a good laugh and so I often say and do the dumbest things imaginable. Haha, people probably think I’m an utter idiot. Eh, they’re probably right. 156308_4823197632876_1692628258_n

I’m going to miss my bio teacher, Sir Riaz. He’s the one who actually inspired this article.  From making weird amusing acronyms to help us learn, to joking around with random people just to elicit some laughter. Everyone looks forward to his lecture because he’s beyond hilarious. He’s so sweet, he’s the only teacher I’ve had since I joined KIPS that I’ve liked from beginning to end, because no matter how stupid your question is, he always answers it and explains until you understand. Unlike the physics teacher who just mocks any question raised.

There was a day when Sir was in a bad mood, he didn’t really yell at anyone or anything, he just didn’t crack any jokes. That was a very long day. We don’t get any breaks between lessons but his period always made up for that. I felt bad that day thinking someone said something to him because some people claim his jokes are vile when they’re not. People just need a reason to dislike you. Thankfully that bad spell only lasted a day and he was back to his former self the next day. What I learnt from that was, no matter how much people complain about you, there might be people out there who enjoys your weirdness. Think about that if you ever get tired of other peoples jibes.

Change of glasses?

You see the world from your point of view, your window. At a specific angle with its specific tint. It’s the same world that everyone else is viewing and part of…..but do you see it the same? Of course not. What we see and what other people see are two different things. They may intersect in some areas but their are large diffractions in others.

Now that’s fine……but it’s really shocking when you see something and it turns out that you were totally and utterly wrong. That everything was in your head. You deny it at first but as the possibility dawns on you it shifts your whole perspective. You begin to question the authenticity of everything. Does thart girl passing in the corridor talk to you because she likes you or because she wants to seem cool? Do the people around you like you for you or do they just want to use you? Does that guy like you or is it just your over active ego?

The questions rise, and you begin to fall…..You don’t know what to say and what not to say. You begin to doubt yourself…..another question reverbrates through the confusion….Should I change my glasses? It might be unconscious or conscious but nonetheless it is so. The world of fantasies and delusions you loved is the mirage you created. You don’t wish to let it go, but it seems practical. But then again is it practical? The glasses or perspective your considering is dull and lifeless i.e mature according to society. You don’t see the best in people, you suspect everyone of ulterior motives. Life seems like a constant war with battles everywhere. Is that how you want to live?

A life like that seems pretty depressing. I think I’m gonna try and rebuild my mirage. People are gonna hate you and doubt you no matter which glasses you choose. So why not choose the ones that make you happy? You might fall every now and then but wearing the other pair means that your always in the pit. The main reason people get depressed. Isn’t that why childhood is so carefree? If no one ever let go of the little children inside themselves the world would be a happier, friendlier place. Forget the plots and the schemes. The masquerades and the masks. Just be who you want to be, but not at the expense of other people. There’s a difference between free speech and bullying. Know it, tread it, enjoy it.

We are what people see us as

Charles Horton Cooley in his concept of the looking glass self describes how we,humans, tend to derive our essence, our personality from those around us. He explains this as, ‘There is no self without society, no “I” without a corresponding “they” to provide our self image.’ We look at how other people perceive us, and judge ourselves accordingly.
Now is that right? I mean people don’t know us fully, they only see what we show them. Then they judge us based on how we treat them, selfishly without any consideration to the bigger picture. But then again, technically how we react to people is who we are, even if we are faking it, is still ‘us’, under our conscious control.
It’s a twisting concept…..Cooley basically explains how we wouldn’t have personalities without society. That there’d be no self,we wouldn’t have proper emotions or coherant thoughts …………. Thats a big hole in the Tarzan story. 😛 Sorry that was random. I guess it is Disney so anything is possible. Disney’s awesome. 😀 …………Ok back to the topic.
So basically no matter how much we try to not let people affect us, they do. They’re the ones who tell us who we are, but what we choose to do with that image is up to us. If people view us as stupid, it’s up to us whether to let that be true and do nothing, or try to change that about ourself. That way we influence their views, and hence our views, so we have some control over it! Yes! Thats somewhat comforting……But technically our attitude to peoples views also depends upon how we saw people tackle similar situations. So the people also influence our reactions to their thoughts.
Confusing stuff…….very twisted. Everyone we know, knew or will know….. they all have an impact on us.

Stuck in my head

Hold your own
know your name
and go your own way. ~Details in the Fabric

Thoughts sink deep

The thought is numbing
Standing up and being made a fool
Not being able to speak
No coherant thoughts
With observing eyes
Letting people down
Knowing I can’t argue
That people are scary
Their judging ways
Get under my skin
Into my thoughts
Its a stone cold paralysis
Of the highest degree

 

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