It’s hard to explain. How the more integrated I get, the more I just want to stay at home. Every day, I make myself go because I have work to do. Sometimes I want people to talk to me, at others I just want to be alone. I don’t understand what to say, it feels awkward and I get easily overwhelmed. In contrast, I want to do things. I want people to value my opinion. It makes no sense.
I dislike being watched. That may be it. I love the freedom you have when no one’s observing you, like when you’re new to a place and no one looks twice or has any expectations. It’s so utterly freeing, like you can do anything. The more you get accustomed to a place, the more familiar it becomes, the more you get molded into a particular character and role, and the harder it is to break free. That exasperates me, it dims the thrill of a new day. It’s frustrating.
Right now, I want to skip college for a few days, until people kind of forget me and then I can go back and get some semblance of invisibility. But then now I’m ‘Girls Representative’ (the equivalent of prefect) and I have to be responsible. I understand that. I will be responsible and do what I should, but………. I get confused on what to say to people sometimes. I get uncomfortable and totally useless. That’s my problem though, and I’ll handle it. Right now that means talking excessively and over-compensating.
Well I don’t want to waste your time with just this rant, let’s be productive. Ummmm…. well if it does become too much I think I am entitled to a few days off. So that’s OK. And getting uncomfortable around people, let’s be serious, everyone feels that way…. I should just…. bear it? No man, that’s belittling it, that aint right. Let’s work on that. Try different things out…… Oh God this last paragraph is stupid.
Charles Horton Cooley in his concept of the looking glass self describes how we,humans, tend to derive our essence, our personality from those around us. He explains this as, ‘There is no self without society, no “I” without a corresponding “they” to provide our self image.’ We look at how other people perceive us, and judge ourselves accordingly.
Now is that right? I mean people don’t know us fully, they only see what we show them. Then they judge us based on how we treat them, selfishly without any consideration to the bigger picture. But then again, technically how we react to people is who we are, even if we are faking it, is still ‘us’, under our conscious control.
It’s a twisting concept…..Cooley basically explains how we wouldn’t have personalities without society. That there’d be no self,we wouldn’t have proper emotions or coherant thoughts …………. Thats a big hole in the Tarzan story. 😛 Sorry that was random. I guess it is Disney so anything is possible. Disney’s awesome. 😀 …………Ok back to the topic.
So basically no matter how much we try to not let people affect us, they do. They’re the ones who tell us who we are, but what we choose to do with that image is up to us. If people view us as stupid, it’s up to us whether to let that be true and do nothing, or try to change that about ourself. That way we influence their views, and hence our views, so we have some control over it! Yes! Thats somewhat comforting……But technically our attitude to peoples views also depends upon how we saw people tackle similar situations. So the people also influence our reactions to their thoughts.
Confusing stuff…….very twisted. Everyone we know, knew or will know….. they all have an impact on us.
‘Like father like son.’
The world is full of these assumptions. People assume that we are like our parents and that if we come from a bad family we can’t be expected to be good. It’s wrong. Yes, as children we are what our parents teach us. We don’t know right from wrong as these things have yet to be taught to us. BUT as we gradually grow older, more mature and aware of our surroundings we start to develop our own perception of things. Our views change and we change.
How can you justify treating a son bad just because of his father? A daughter bad just because of her mother? Or even the other way round? Give the person a chance to show you their true colours then treat them as you wish, with a clear picture of those person’s qualities. The fact is though are that in most cases we don’t give other people a chance. A criminal’s son is treated like crap while an honest man’s son is treated like a saint. The funny thing is that sometimes or most of the time the honest man’s son or a good man’s son is corrupt, maybe because they don’t think they can live up to the expectations or other factors though again we shouldn’t assume that’s the case until we have proof with our own eyes, not based on meaningless rumours with little truth to back up the claims.
The truth is it depends upon whether or not the child realizes that the things happening at home are wrong or right. If they realize that the actions of the person are wrong they are less inclined to do them later on. In fact often they are even more determined to avoid those things which caused them hardship and sadness in their childhood. They fear that they’ll become like their parent and so work harder to become the opposite. They know how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behavior and so are less tempted to cause the same pain to others. They can empathize.
In other cases some want to make people go through the same conditions they went through as a form of revenge. Yeah in that situation the sayings above do make sense. But as I said before first KNOW the person before judging them.
‘No father is responsible for the crimes of his son nor is the son responsible for the crimes of his father, and each will be accountable for his sins.’
Hold people accountable for what they’ve done not what someone they know has done or someone who their related to has done. That’s plain stupidity.