Tag Archives: time

Thoughts amuck

Is it enough?
Is it too much?
To ask how you are
To remember the dates
Is it too intense?
Am I coming off strong?
Part of me wants to hold back
Part of me pushes on
Am I taken for granted?
Do you really care?
I feign nonchalance
My insides squirming
Are you upset?
Are you OK?
Worry eats at me
The act doesn’t last long
How are you?
Am I annoying?
I can’t let go
I can’t loosen the reigns
What are you going through?
Can I help?
I cling to our memories
Drawing strength from their strength
Is it enough?
Is it too much?
Emotions haywire
Thoughts running amuck
I’m sorry I can’t be more cool
I’m sorry I’m such a fool

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Just Us

20140313_183615Time’s gone by
We never saw it passing
Each second with you guys
Taken for granted
Now with this gaping hole between us
My heart drops as the days pass on
Yearning for your company
For our souls to meet again
To think, there was a time
When you were all there
At the same place
At the same time
I won’t lie, I’ve fantasized about crimes
The world has me desperate
Fate has me frustrated
Tears brim behind my eyes
Your love gives me strength
Crumbling me at the same time
I’ll fight days, weeks, years
With the hope that we
We shall meet once again
All of us, at the same place
At the same time

Onwards I say

Time passes, slow, slower, fast
What do we search for in our past
Staring backwards at what was
With rose tinted eyes abuzz
Yearning for what can never be
Barely looking past what we see
Oh if only this, if only that
Get past it already you old bat
The future is ours for the taking
But it’s so much easier to be complaining
How about taking stuff in strides
Rather than getting washed in the tide
Oh time our fickle foe
Damn do you annoy us so
Forget the bags, ditch the packing
Grab your will and let’s go backpacking

The distance between us

You gaze coolly at me from the distance
A slightly amused smirk plays on your lips as I run
The ground shakes, the ground splits
I hesitate but one look at you and I’m scrambling again
Across the debris, past the pitying faces
All the while you look, but you do not move
I trip, you do not flinch
Face apathetic, eyes cold
Why I run, I know not
Memories fuel my efforts, driving me
I refuse to believe you are lost
Images play before my eyes
Standing over me, eyes twinkiling with warmth
full of concern, full of love
The earth shakes, the distance is increasing
Tears spill over my cheeks as I realize I won’t make it
On my knees, I watch helpless
You’re drifting, drifting, drifting……..

Wander away…..

I sigh loudly as I watch the old woman, jogging past in her track suit. Her smile, her passion and her love for life usually make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Today, I feel nothing. If she can’t lift my mood, no one can. Hoisting my backpack on my shoulders I begin the twenty minute walk to my school, eyes down, mouth slack. The cracks in the concrete don’t entice me, I no longer care what magical world could possibly be lurking inside or what wild species of bugs might have mutated to survive such drab conditions. It does not matter.
My feet move mechanically. I know the path like I know my house, who cares about the back of my hand. The colours in the world aren’t as bright. Is it just me, or is life pointless? My thoughts are wandering. If I don’t control them, they could wreak havoc. I submit, they can do what they want, I feel masochistic as they slowly unfold. One after the other the pictures, the memories rise from behind the withering shield. My granddads smile, his warm hugs and his love……a flashback of me holding his hand, walking home from school. Another flashback, him favouring me over my brother….my eyes start to water. He’s taking me with him to Queens market now, we’re on a bus and he’s gazing out the window, he pats my back. My breathing gets heavier. He looks at me, with his big blue eyes, disoriented from the medication, so weak, so helpless, but still he pulls me closer and tells me he’s proud of me. I try breathing slowly and deeply……. It was a mistake to let it come out, I’m a few streets away from the school. I don’t want anyone to see me like this, I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I wipe away the tears that apparently spilt without my consent. There’s not point in crying, I should pray for him.
As I round the corner, my name being yelled out breaks me out of my reverie. I look up, confused as a shape hurtles towards me and yanks me into a choke hold. I gasp and register the familiar scent of lotion. I laugh and untangle myself from my best friend’s arms. I grin at the group of teens before me. With them, I can forget for the time being. All is right. I am safe.

For my Granddad.

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Musings Part 2

The fact is, I enjoy being swamped in work, i.e I’m a workaholic. Is it a bad thing? If you ask me, nope, not at all. I’m bored sick when I don’t have something to do. Something that takes my time, energy and leaves me drained but feeling accomplished. It’s a drug. So much so that I often bite off more than I can chew, participating in almost everything. I mean you should make maximum use of your time right?
Like for example if you know you’re not going to study don’t put off a competition in the hopes that maybe you will if you don’t go. Odds are that if you do go and take part you’ll feel guilty about wasting the time and actually end up studying more than if you hadn’t gone. You’re more motivated too as well as more clear headed. I mean studying continuously days on end, in the same old pattern…..If you ask me I’d say that it’s a waste of your time. You won’t learn anything cause your brain is dulled and dead. By going out and exploring new avenues and experiences you keep your brain alive, active and happy. You’ll find that grasping new concepts or even revising old ones gets easier. You pick up things faster. It’s a scientific fact that constantly stimulating yourself boosts intelligence. Your mind is more adept.
Even if you have an exam the next day and you have a lot of syllabus left you should take breaks. Exerting yourself constantly is going to slow you down. Study for two to three hours continuously but after that you DESERVE a well earned break. Do what you want in it, preferrably something that doesn’t require much conscious effort. Whatever you do though never go to sleep, trust me you’ll never wake up in time. Well unless you have a human alarm clock i.e you threaten someone with murder if they don’t wake you up at the prescribed time. 😛 Breaks like these help your mind absorb what you just read and to store the information effectively. Without this everything gets cluttered in your head. After at least half an hour you can go right on ahead and continue studying. Jack Andraka, the person who discovered a cheap, effective diagnostic test for pancreatic cancer at age 15, also used this method. He used to research for hours and then go on a walk to contemplate what he had just read and sort through it.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t throw away your life for your exams. They aren’t as hard as you make them seem. We students tend to stress ourselves out over them too much. I really don’t get people who totally turn dead to the world a good three to four months before the exams. Yes, I know people have different speeds at which they pick things up, but I believe that overstudying is just as bad as understudying. Don’t waste your life.

Be wise!

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