Blood red liquid stains my lips
Cheap colour staining everything touched
It’s bad for you they said
Don’t drink it they said
I eye it grimly, an amused smirk
Not like anyone gives a shit
Self pity, self loathing
And I take another swig
You gaze coolly at me from the distance
A slightly amused smirk plays on your lips as I run
The ground shakes, the ground splits
I hesitate but one look at you and I’m scrambling again
Across the debris, past the pitying faces
All the while you look, but you do not move
I trip, you do not flinch
Face apathetic, eyes cold
Why I run, I know not
Memories fuel my efforts, driving me
I refuse to believe you are lost
Images play before my eyes
Standing over me, eyes twinkiling with warmth
full of concern, full of love
The earth shakes, the distance is increasing
Tears spill over my cheeks as I realize I won’t make it
On my knees, I watch helpless
You’re drifting, drifting, drifting……..
Not sure about everyone but I think most of us have considered it at some point or another…. I have. Once. A moment when I just wanted to sleep and never wake up because I didn’t really see a point in living…
There are often times when we question ourselves on our life. How it will turn out, our hopes, expectations, fears, long term goals and beliefs. We paint out scenarios in our heads of what we foresee it will be like and it is on the basis of these thoughts, whether they be bleak or bright, that we choose to keep going or give up. Other times we only try because of our beliefs, for example in my religion and I think Christianity as well, it’s a sin to take your own life, which is the reason I steer clear of that option, no matter how tempting. Then there’s the issue of all those we care about. Our family, our friends and everyone we know will be seriously be affected by such a rash step. It’s pretty selfish of us if you think about it. Taking away your life doesn’t affect just you, it affects everyone, in ways you can never foresee.
There’s another factor we tend to overlook when we ponder over life; the fact that it never turns out the way you expect. It happens all the time, we spend our days following a routine that we don’t ever see changing, but one day you could find yourself all the way across the world, planning on spending the rest of you life there (This actually kind of happened to me, my dad came home one day saying we’re going to Pakistan tommorow for two weeks. That was over six years ago and I haven’t been back to England since). Or you could be expecting a really dull day and while waiting for the bus to come, you might meet an old friend who hooks you up with a job ten times better than your previous one. The possibilities are endless, but the point is, you can never count your chickens till they’re hatched. You can’t ever say you know how your life will turn out, because only God knows that. We can only truthfully assess our life after we’re dead and have lived it till the end…Our life is made of the choices we make. They are what define us. Food for thought.
My eyes are bright with unshed tears
Heart burdened with abundant fears
Is there someone who can see me now?
Past the laughs to the unsaid frowns
Telling myself to keep hope alive
When its so much easier to let it die
Oh how the heart aches in pain
While I struggle to keep my smile in place
This act is futile,who am I kidding?
Fooling myself I can’t deny
Is it my fault? I think it is
That I can’t explain anything even to myself