Home
Have you ever had your home ripped from you?
Is it the same as when you move away?
Do you miss it less if you move to a better house?
Is it the trauma of how the house was taken or the magnitude of the memories?
Will it ever be the same?
I already know all houses will always be compared to the original
And they will always fall short
That’s not new
All other houses have fallen short since forever
No matter where I went, no house could compare
And coming home would feel like a whole body relaxant
Like every nerve was resting at the spaciousness and familiarity
The rustic, old-home beauty
My house had always been a little run-down
Un-maintained and unkept
Almost exactly the way I had left it
Like no time had gone by
I fancied it a castle, with its columns and courtyards
The balcony and passages
No. No house can compare
But I’m glad I had it for all those years
Love strum
To be able to roam around on a whim
Clouds and bird being the epitome of freedom
Always shaking my hand free of any restraint
To skip and dawdle and run
To do as I please with a mischievous grin
My eyes taunting and laughing at my mum
Telling her it’ll be okay and not to be so faint
To do nothing and everything and nothing and everything
To love someone to the brim
All the while knowing my adventures make him glum
A man of rules and constraint
To keep me safe and close and plum
To laugh at my fate of falling for such an antonym
All the while knowing my love has me strum
Yet always searching for his hand without taint
To love and to hold and to cherish
To tease him with my eyes as I skim
Clouds and birds being the epitome of freedom
Yet he being the colours, the strokes, the canvas to all I paint
To hold his hand as I skip and dawdle and run
I never knew I could trust
I never knew I could ever trust completely
Experience has taught me to expect anything
Did you know, I don’t even trust myself
I never knew feeling myself trust would be this terrifying
But I have knots in my stomach and if I think too much about it, I can’t breathe right
But I’ve never met anyone who kept their word like you
I don’t fancy myself a liar, but sometimes even I don’t mean what I say so completely, so literally
And as I question my own sincerity, I blink against your raw honesty
It’s dazzling, magnificent
I find myself having faith in it, trusting to put it mildly
I had well constructed solid walls that I can feel dissolving
But all good things end, and nothing lasts forever, I know this
I’m a woman of common sense, so this complete trust in another human confounds me
Not even my father always keeps his word or his story straight
That’s not fair, I know you’ve had your moments of hypocrisy
But you alway believe in what you say, fiercely
And I’ve joked that you shouldn’t be so quick to judge
But I’ve never met someone who means what they say as much as you
What a pleasant surprise to add to the list of reasons I love you
For I didn’t need reasons and yet here you are, blinding me in admiration
I’ve seen people change, people I thought I knew
I’ve vowed to not let anything surprise me
Years of pain engraving the lessons
And yet here I am, watching my heart slip
It was scary accepting the torrent of emotion I have for you
I didn’t even realise I was capable of this sort of trust
Yes, I have seen a lot and I know people are fickle
Yet here I am, coming to terms with a fresh realisation
I’m beginning to trust you completely
And with this I give you even more power
I dug my grave the moment I gave you a chance at my heart
You already had to the tools to end me
But with this, I’m not sure what’ll be left
I’ve tested you countless times and I still will
But now I’m no longer hoping you fail
What a silly fool.
Come home safe
Words can’t describe how I feel
Yet here I am, writing them down
Contentment, joy, bliss
Heart bursting love, aching worry
For all that we have, can be lost
Our days are numbered; months, days, years
Can I hold your hand for eternity?
Say nothing, do nothing, just stay here
Melt into your eyes
Keep you safe from the world
Words can’t describe how I feel
And here I am, trying to breathe right
Come home safe, come home fine
I’ll keep this pain to myself
You fight your battles
I’ll fight mine
Meet in the middle
Time after time
Words can’t describe how I feel
So here I am, praying to the Divine
Smile
They think I’m strong
I’m stubborn and independent
Maybe that’s what fooled them
I can do what needs to be done
Pushing forward, feelings aside
Though that doesn’t mean I don’t hurt
I care too much
Get attached too easily
Disappointment and heartbreak 1-0-1
They think I can fight my battles
Like I said, I can do what needs to be done
Though that doesn’t mean I don’t need help
I’ve learnt to do everything myself
Self preservation more than anything else
Better not hope than cry all the time
Don’t be alarmed
Though yes, this is self pity
But like I said, I’ve grown used to it with time
They think I’m strong
I laugh and cry
Keeping up the act and dying inside
Now or Never
Maybe I am a bit of an emotional wreck
I think with my heart first and last
Writing helping calm this anguished soul
Unable to escape the present and past
It’s all one and the same
These illusions of time never fooled I
But how do I convey the essence of now
To one who remains distant though I fail to fathom why
We’re getting too accustomed to being hurt by one another
Learning to live without
Learning to expect little
Learning to doubt
Have the years taught us nothing?
Are we really still running these same old dreary loops?
Time and time again
While our youth and love droops
I feel as though I have been impeccably clear
Though you have always evaded with a jeer
The ball’s in your court
I await your verdict with a tear
The clock is ticking
Now or never
And here we stand
As confused as ever
Your piece
Walking on the path back home
Recounting the day gone by,
Dwelling over your own special bits
While kicking stones with a sigh
You look up, taking in your street
Not as a person who belongs,
But as a person passing by
Appreciating its uniqueness
Seeing it through a strangers eye
Your soul was chosen to live on this road
This was your own little story
The corner that was your piece of the sky
Everyone had their own fragment
Painting their world with a different dye
That is not to say
That those with the same piece
Would be sure to see eye to eye
For you see we each have our own past
Not just a facet of places
But a million things gone awry
An amalgam of emotions and history
That morph even the same places
To our own special piece of the sky
It’s not so easy to understand
If I said this to you
Oh how I wish I could in a way that you would understand
But I’m not good with words
And it’s not so easy to understand
How can I explain all I feel?
As though words can do a shadow of justice to this turmoil inside
It almost feels like a betrayal
Quantifying this overwhelming love I recognize
I know we don’t talk much
I don’t quite understand it myself but I can’t shake away this knowledge
Yes, I saw you
Though we were two blurs in the crowd, I saw each and every one of you
I’ve spent too much time worrying about you
Thinking of you as my own and now as I look back, it’s hard for me to stop
We may never have even talked
But your pain was and is my pain, and your happiness was and is my happiness
You are a part of me
Wherever our paths may take us, you always will be
Even now I’m blank
And these words I’ve managed to get out don’t do you much credit
I may have been merely a means
How sad am I to have let you all in my heart
Where you wreak havoc
Because I expect too much from people who don’t realize I have feelings too
The depth to which I care
Astounds and saddens me, fills me with love and joy, all at the same time
You weren’t just a duty
To me we were all akin to family
I wonder though
Whether I was merely a means. Whether you’ll miss me, as I will you
How pathetic am I?
I probably need therapy
If I said this to you
Oh how I wish I could in a way that you would understand
But I’m not good with words
And it’s not so easy to understand
Off the beaten road
Off the beaten road, there’s a trail
Unkempt and wild, pulsating with potential
A story untold, take my hand
This is what makes life worth living darling
Apprehension
Don’t pretend to care
Don’t apologize
My heart is not a fickle thing
One day this, the other day that
If you beg for a chance, I may just grant it
Though know I, the torture I inflict
My very soul weighed down with the prospect
You see it’s dangerous
Opening myself up like that
But the weakling I am
All it takes is a few seemingly sincere words
And over time my feelings bloom and grow
Bit by bit
Slowly but surely
No amount of reigns
No amount of mirror talks
Naive all the way
I keep myself braced
For the pain of betrayal to engulf me all over again
It’s my fault really
I set the stage
Throw the oil
Ignite the flame, and pass it to you
If you mean to leave, leave
I don’t need this to and fro
If you mean to play, leave
I can’t handle games
Please be kind to me
I don’t know how much more I can handle
Before all hope is exiled
And I too silently die
Like all my age seem to inevitably do
Stalemate
Every time
I plot and I plan but, every time
You mean what you say
Yet I over-analyze what you say, every time
You show me all the ways you don’t care
Yet it’s the same when I realize you don’t care, every time
You reach out, it doesn’t mean anything
I reach back though I know to you it doesn’t mean anything, every time
You probably don’t see
I can’t help but act strong, you probably don’t see, every time
You could be acting strong
That’s what I rationalize, you’re acting strong, every time
You don’t even know
I ache, I break, you don’t even know, every time
Your spell is too powerful
I fight and resist but your spell is too powerful, every time
You are nonchalant
I feel the urge to run and you are nonchalant, every time
I plot and I plan, every time
Every time
It wasn’t just my fault
The double meanings
The subtle hints
They can’t be entirely fictitious
They were most definitely there
Here I was frustrated
Here I was shocked
That I was wrong for so many years
That my delusions had soared that far
Why twist me in such knots?
Why drag it on so long?
Worst part is, I wonder if it was unconscious
Worst part is, I’m still making your excuses
I am so completely drained
I am so completely done
The answer is no clearer
The answer is I must answer
Hell to the no.
Communication
Maybe tis as they say
Thee soul yearns for angst
Yet ache it does
Ache it does
To discourse casually through this pain
Thee heart is weak
Yet thou is needed
Thou is loved
Thy name is enough to set thee aflutter
Not a fan of confrontation
Yet what does thou know?
What does thou think?
Drowning in the regrets and what ifs
Thee wounds run deep
Yet is it too late?
Can we clean the slate?
Confliction
What type of love tears you up inside?
Makes you want to abandon all you believe in
That too without even being asked?
What type of love makes you retreat into yourself?
Makes you struggle over thoughts and words
That too without any care or concern?
What type of love fills you with such desperation?
Makes you willing to love through your own hell
That too without any gratitude or acknowledgement?
What type of love leaves gaping holes in your heart?
Makes you yearn for mere words, true or not
That too without compassion or even a thought?
I’ll tell you
The wrong kind
A Father
It’s nothing he says with an indifferent shrug
Nothing more than usual, worry not
Facade calm and strong
Is it true or not?
With a hand he waves away all but’s
Shaking his head, worry not
Facade sure and dismissive
Is it true or is it not?
Not once does his posture waver, upright, confident
Trivial matters, didn’t I tell you; worry not
Facade decisive and bored
Can it be true or not?
Searching eyes left short, an act so complete
Am I foolish to not worry not?
Facade condescending and fond
I hope it’s true, no nots
Empowerment
Heart aching ever so slightly
Pangs that came before,and now and then
Too painful to take lightly
Too inconsequential to take out a pen
What is has always been
Futile thoughts swimming, before,now and then
Too imposing to be left unseen
Too daunting to face therein
They said I was smart
Practicality never seemed more far-fetched
Too subjective to let emotions part
Too strung to dream of getting unlatched
Fact of the matter is I like it
I am my choices, I am my hopes
Too dreamy to leave it
Too caught up to mope
Heart enlightened with discovery
An independent soul in it’s own world
Too joyous at it’s own inventory
Too happy the idea got sold
Honey it’s GOLD. 😀
Bring it on
A setback is nothing
With the wind on your face
With the smell of rain
Disappointment short-lived
With your eyes to the sky
With your heart alight
Tears brushed away
With a hysterical laugh
With a unbodied mind
Life less daunting
With thoughts of some things
With thoughts of everything
Why brood?
With a soul full of love
With a soul ready
Bring it on
Me,my weird thoughts and I 