Thoughts amuck
Is it enough?
Is it too much?
To ask how you are
To remember the dates
Is it too intense?
Am I coming off strong?
Part of me wants to hold back
Part of me pushes on
Am I taken for granted?
Do you really care?
I feign nonchalance
My insides squirming
Are you upset?
Are you OK?
Worry eats at me
The act doesn’t last long
How are you?
Am I annoying?
I can’t let go
I can’t loosen the reigns
What are you going through?
Can I help?
I cling to our memories
Drawing strength from their strength
Is it enough?
Is it too much?
Emotions haywire
Thoughts running amuck
I’m sorry I can’t be more cool
I’m sorry I’m such a fool
Just Us
Time’s gone by
We never saw it passing
Each second with you guys
Taken for granted
Now with this gaping hole between us
My heart drops as the days pass on
Yearning for your company
For our souls to meet again
To think, there was a time
When you were all there
At the same place
At the same time
I won’t lie, I’ve fantasized about crimes
The world has me desperate
Fate has me frustrated
Tears brim behind my eyes
Your love gives me strength
Crumbling me at the same time
I’ll fight days, weeks, years
With the hope that we
We shall meet once again
All of us, at the same place
At the same time
Onwards I say
Time passes, slow, slower, fast
What do we search for in our past
Staring backwards at what was
With rose tinted eyes abuzz
Yearning for what can never be
Barely looking past what we see
Oh if only this, if only that
Get past it already you old bat
The future is ours for the taking
But it’s so much easier to be complaining
How about taking stuff in strides
Rather than getting washed in the tide
Oh time our fickle foe
Damn do you annoy us so
Forget the bags, ditch the packing
Grab your will and let’s go backpacking
Resolve
It’s been days, I think I’ve forgotten
At the very least gone numb
Yet the dates I do watch
The days I do count
Sudden urges to talk, worrying endlessly
We’ve never been close
Yet the feelings do storm
The urges do come
Worry to frustration, bitter anger surfaces
You utter idiot, complete fool
Yet the facts do remain
The frustrations do come
I loathe you, but that is a feeling
Feelings you are not worth
Yet loathe you I do not
The feelings do come
Patience and faith, I did what I could
It’s your play now
Yet patient I am not
The faith does not come
Because it’s my life
Blood red liquid stains my lips
Cheap colour staining everything touched
It’s bad for you they said
Don’t drink it they said
I eye it grimly, an amused smirk
Not like anyone gives a shit
Self pity, self loathing
And I take another swig
Laugh with me
I thought it was gone
I wasn’t happy about it
But I thought it was gone
Laughing today
That unexpected carefree laugh today
Made it all came back
In that moment it all came back
If you were here with me
Would you be proud?
Would you be laughing with me?
In my head I can picture it
You would definitely be laughing with me
I want you to be laughing with me
In my head you are laughing with me
I can picture it…….
And my laughter ebbs away
For my granddad…………
The distance between us
You gaze coolly at me from the distance
A slightly amused smirk plays on your lips as I run
The ground shakes, the ground splits
I hesitate but one look at you and I’m scrambling again
Across the debris, past the pitying faces
All the while you look, but you do not move
I trip, you do not flinch
Face apathetic, eyes cold
Why I run, I know not
Memories fuel my efforts, driving me
I refuse to believe you are lost
Images play before my eyes
Standing over me, eyes twinkiling with warmth
full of concern, full of love
The earth shakes, the distance is increasing
Tears spill over my cheeks as I realize I won’t make it
On my knees, I watch helpless
You’re drifting, drifting, drifting……..
Nothing is simple
Frantic were her searches
Heart wrenching were the truths
The simple facts were all there
Forever there for her to fear
Nothing was simple
Nothing is simple
The past year glared at her
With its regrets, with its mistakes
A stranger with her face
Don’t look now
Nothing was simple
Nothing is simple
Deep breaths she took
Gazed at the stranger,the memory
Swore to part ways
The future could be saved
Nothing is simple
Nothing is simple
Wait for me
I open my mouth
No words come out
I take a step forward
You slip further away
My hearts in my mouth
Your’s is safe, untouched
So far away,so distant
A thousand oceans lie between us
I need you here
With every fibre of my being
How is it that you do not know?
Just glance this way
A look says it all
The desperation
The obsession
I’m running now
Running….running
Just stay where you are
I’m on my way
Running, running
Past the up turned faces
Past the frowns
Running,running
Clinging to this shred of hope
The voices in my head
Running…..running
Quest for relevance
What lengths we go to, what hardships we endure
The calm of our inner ego being the lure
We wage wars, we turn on family
If someone so much as looks at us smugly
Ever heard of solitary confinement?
Why it’s illegal and the worst assignmnt?
We humans crave attention
Not meagre, scarce or with retention
We grow our toe nails, we practice tricks
All so our names will forever be hits
We scale social ladders, squable for power
Regardless if our souls turn sour
It’s a climb, a quest that will never end
It’s the quest for relevance
Thoughts sink deep
The thought is numbing
Standing up and being made a fool
Not being able to speak
No coherant thoughts
With observing eyes
Letting people down
Knowing I can’t argue
That people are scary
Their judging ways
Get under my skin
Into my thoughts
Its a stone cold paralysis
Of the highest degree
Dwelling on times past
We were all meant to be
Five people so different
Yet so complete
There was an understanding
An agreement between hearts
That was so secure,full of trust
School was a hangout
Everyday an adventure
Where missing out on one day
Was pure torture
Talking, as easy as breathing
Laughing as effortless as blinking
Always knowing you weren’t being judged
A sense of freedom and confidence
A pack that was invincible
We didn’t need the world
Too good to last
Time caught up with us
Tearing us apart
Throwing reality in our faces
Looking back on it all
The times feel too good to be real
A dream way too surreal
Lost
They ask where I’ve been
Occupied I say
‘Too busy to even talk?’ They ask
‘Too frazzled to even think.’ I reply
‘Well you better be with us tommorow’ They demand
‘What’s tommorow?’ I question, perplexed.
They’re silent
I look at the date….
I forgot my own birthday
o.O
Little light
In memories you glide
Bringing unstoppable smiles to my face
My mood adjusts and suddenly everything’s right
I can’t even recall why my heart cried
It’s a wonder how you manage such fetes with such grace
Though I will never question my little light
Confronted
Drowning myself in everything near and far
To occupy my thoughts from straying too far
Not completely understanding why
I mean I was completely fine, wasn’t I?
The rug was pulled and it became evident
The mess underneath was beyond the expectant
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
The whirlwind of emotions, let rip inside
The will to fight was long gone
With a sigh I was done.
Moments
People laughing,people smiling
Take a look and you can’t help grinning
Life has simple pleasures
Time to step back from all the extreme measures
Take a deep breath,let it go
Forget everything, let the moment be so
My dear friend
I look around
Seeing the holes your absence has left
Who ever knew they’d be as deep as they are
But wait, they’re not just there
They’re in here too
In a heart that yearns for your presence,my dear friend
In a heart that knows skyping isn’t enough
Knows that the times are only gonna get more tough
My dear friend won’t you come back?
And fill my world with what it lacks
Me,my weird thoughts and I 